IN THAT CASE, SIR....
Sex offender accused of masturbating in park blames groundhog
(Thanks to Ralph, and L. Raymond, who says: "Groundhogs are just squirrels who are afraid of heights, right?")
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Sex offender accused of masturbating in park blames groundhog
(Thanks to Ralph, and L. Raymond, who says: "Groundhogs are just squirrels who are afraid of heights, right?")
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"Can you describe the man you saw in the bushes?"
"Sort of looked like Barney Rubble, fur coat, short, puggy and either not not circumcised or had a badly damaged thumb. "
Posted by: manual tomato | August 12, 2017 at 01:03 PM
Wax on....
(Geezer reference: Karate Kid)
Posted by: PirateBoy | August 12, 2017 at 01:04 PM
Did he see his shadow though?
Posted by: Head_Smashed_In | August 12, 2017 at 01:56 PM
So the groundhog made his pants fall down?
I'm pretty sure I saw that on Benny Hill.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | August 12, 2017 at 02:05 PM
Remember the good old days when everybody just blamed their stupid actions on the dog?
Posted by: nursecindy | August 12, 2017 at 03:29 PM
"In that case, sir, you are free to.... well, to do about anything but that."
Posted by: padraig | August 12, 2017 at 04:27 PM
Groundhogs are a member of the squirrel family. This guy might be a looney, but we know squirrels are capable of anything. And he may have been susceptible to mind control by that groundhog. I say arrest the groundhog.
Posted by: Le Petomane | August 12, 2017 at 05:38 PM
The most embarrassing aspect of this story may be that the suspect took off on a moped.
Posted by: Stixnstonz | August 12, 2017 at 08:20 PM
A Styxnstonz- You are right about that. the squirrels first want to embarrass humans before actually starting the apocalypse.
Posted by: Le Petomane | August 12, 2017 at 10:11 PM
I saw Startled By A Groundhog open for Flight of Seagulls. Heckuva show!
Posted by: klezmerphan | August 13, 2017 at 02:26 AM
Hoping for Punxsutawney phellatio.
Posted by: FredKey | August 13, 2017 at 09:13 AM
It had to be Jennifer Groundhog, Jessica Rabbit's cousin.
Posted by: OldPhil | August 13, 2017 at 03:57 PM
Was he dancing like the one at the end of Caddy Shack? That could be quite provocative for some folks. But that was a gopher according to Bill Murray's little ditty. Oh well. Same family of ground dwellers. Probably same dance moves.
Posted by: Wendy | August 14, 2017 at 10:26 AM