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July 14, 2017

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Aliens were present at Crucifixion of Jesus

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE WINNING

Squirrels have long memory for problem solving

(Thanks to James in NC)

JUST REMEMBER TO TAKE HIM HOME

Chinese mall unveils 'husband storage pods' with video games

(Thanks to funny man)

FIRST NORTH KOREA, NOW THIS

Huge cannibal crickets are massing on our eastern border

(Thanks to timbang)

Related: 20 Million Mosquitoes to Hit Fresno

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

THEREBY QUALIFYING TO OPERATE A MOTOR VEHICLE IN FLORIDA

Texas Labrador retriever rides horse like a pro

(Thanks to funny man)

MAKES THE WAIT GO FASTER, DUDE

Man shows up at Lakewood emergency room hauling trash bag full of pot

Autoplay.

(Thanks to funny man)

ADVISORY:

How FAKE BOOBS could save your life

(Thanks to Geoff, who says "For some reason I was cussed at for trying to save my wife's life.")

'SURPRISED'

Colusa Community Surprised after Mountain Lion Jumps through Apartment Window

(Thanks to coscolo and Not My Usual Alias)

WHEN IT REALLY MATTERS, WE *CAN* WORK TOGETHER

Nevada moved Thursday to reduce supply problems at recreational marijuana stores that have faced overwhelming demand for newly legal pot and the possibility of their shelves going empty.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

ONE GIANT STAGGER FOR MANKIND

Jimmy Buffett's home state ends ban on Margarita pitchers

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

GO FIGURE

Man with 'DEVAST8' face tattoo says he can't find work

(Thanks to Rick Day)

WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU KEEP IT?

A Texas health inspector performing a routine inspection at a strip club wrote there was a "breast implant found inside bar utensil holder."

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

Thousands sign up to clean sewage because they didn't read the small print

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

TOTALLY WORTH IT

A woman snapping a selfie at a Los Angeles art gallery ended up falling over and setting off a domino effect that destroyed $200,000 worth of artwork.

(Thanks to Rick Day and Jon Harris)

YOU'D THINK THEY'D CHOOSE VEGAS

Giant flying beetles swarm Arizona in search of love

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA LICENSES

Crash on Oregon highway spills 7,500 pounds of live slime eels over roadway

Alternative Headline: Slippery 'snot snakes' close down Highway 101 in Oregon

(Thanks to many people)

 
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