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July 12, 2017

ELMO WAS ABLE TO ESCAPE

Florida police find cocaine stashed in Cookie Monster doll

(Thanks to funny man)

FLORIDA DEMANDS A RECOUNT

Where are America's nicest drivers? Survey ranks states by road manners

(Thanks to MOTW)

The recount should be conducted by some other state, since Florida cannot count.

AS IS HER CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Police say a New Hampshire woman out on bail following a drug possession arrest returned to the police station hours later demanding the drug’s return and was arrested on another charge.

(Thanks to David Emery)

THEY ARE ALSO ALLEGEDLY ENGAGING IN HIJINKS AND HANKY-PANKY

Wild primates in Florida park: Monkey shenanigans on rise

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Dave Roe)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

O'Hare pilot gets plea deal in home castration

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FASCISM PURE AND SIMPLE

Australian man fined for bringing fridge on commuter train

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Don't park here to buy your drugs, your dealer is across the street."

SOMEONE HAD TO DO IT

California mechanical engineer builds world's largest Super Soaker

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

REALLY HER ONLY OPTION

A Florida woman set her home on fire after she was asked to turn her TV volume down, cops said.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and John Lobert)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Plane's takeoff delayed by squirrel in the engine compartment

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

BRILLIANT

Drunk driver arrested attempting to bail out friend for drunk driving

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Andrew Mendez)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Five live king cobras from China are found in a package at JFK airport's mail facility

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Man Sets World Record For Most Cans Crushed By Hand In 30 Seconds While Palming An Uncooked Egg

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Public restrooms using facial recognition to ration toilet paper

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

An officer handed her a towel to cover herself and Garcia-Dominguez allegedly used the towel to whip the officer in the face.

(Thanks to ubetcha)

TRIAL OF THE CENTURY SO FAR

SAN FRANCISCO: The battle over now-famous selfie photographs taken by a macaque monkey will head back to federal court.

(Thanks to Poker, who says "It's a case of monkey see, monkey sue.")

IN THAT CASE, YOUNG LADY, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Girl, 11, Stopped For Speeding Says Her Mom Lets Her Drive

(Thanks to Stan Ruth, Bob Brogan and John Mayson)

FLORIDA:

The Romance State

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OR SO THEY CLAIM

Scientists teleport photon from Earth to orbit

(Thanks to coscolo)

AN IVOR BIGGUN TUNE

Local radio station keeps getting hijacked by song about masturbation

(Thanks to Ralph, Stan Ruth and funny man)

 
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