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May 01, 2017

STAY CLASSY, JERSEY

Police say a flower shop owner stole plants and other items from graves at a New Jersey cemetery for months.

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There's a special place in hell for this one

Then I knew
She could make me happy
Flowers in her hair
Flowers everywhere

I love the flower girl
Oh, I don't know just why, she simply caught my eye
I love the flower girl
She seemed so sweet and kind, she crept into my mind

- A random Cowsill

Low overhead, sticky fingers, and a blooming genius!

I knew a guy in college who would take a slow drive through a cemetery to pick up a nice bouquet for his dates. He later made a fortune running a gold mining scam and retired to Brazil where he isn't pestered by those irritating extradition laws.

But it's so convenient. Being the dead center of town.

I'm sure she unfailingly did this with pinky finger extended. Culcha, dontcha know.

Years ago a colleague at another firm in the building ran a copy service, using the in-house messengers to pick up and deliver photocopy jobs around town. He used the in-house duplicating service to make something like 500,000 copies a month.

Since he had no overhead, the only cost he had was for the receipts when folks paid him in cash.

The last time I saw him was at a professional conference. He was a mentor.

Yeah that is classy alright. (ha)

Reminds me of one of Garrison Keillor's Lake Wobegon monologues, where one his characters was visiting the cemetery and picked some morel mushrooms from a gravesite.

"How can you do that?" people asked. "Eat mushrooms that come from the cemetery?!"

"Well," he says, "those people lived a long life, and if the point of it all was to become really good mushrooms, it would be a shame not to appreciate it."

Waste not want.

Smooches wanderer for that Garrison Keillor story.

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