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April 25, 2017

FLORIDA WILDLIFE REPORT

Monkey on the loose in Apopka

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man vs. Keg

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

'CONSULTANTS'

Florida state senator, now resigned, had Playboy and Hooters models on political payroll

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

April 24, 2017

DUDE

16-foot joint added to store's museum on 4/20

(Thanks to Bob Bgrogan)

ALTHOUGH SOME PEOPLE CALL IT MAURICE

Northern Lights enthusiasts see a strange new light in the sky and decide to call it 'Steve'

(Thanks to wiredog and The Perts)

THIS MAN DESERVES A MEDAL

One person was taken into custody on Sunday afternoon after police said the man tried to push through authorities to "save" his beer that was inside the residence.

(Thanks to Greg MIchealson)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Nashville woman calls cops after husband refuses to get her ice cream

Doubling Down On Smart: The officer says he notified the woman it was a crime to file a false report and she would be placed under arrest. The woman first asked to use the bathroom, which she was allowed to do as long as the door was left cracked open. Police say after two minutes, they heard a window open, followed by a loud thud.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

'SAMURAI SWORDS, GHURKA KNIVES OR HEAVY HAMMERS'

A court has rejected a 60-year-old man's attempt to invoke the ancient right to trial by combat, rather than pay a £25 fine for a minor motoring offence.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

SHE ALREADY HAS HER FLORIDA LICENSE

'I Want to Kiss You': Dashcam Video Shows Former Miami-Dade Teacher During DUI Arrest

In that case, ma'am...

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

GUYS IN ACTION

YouTuber attempts 'Bart Simpson megaphone challenge'

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

NAME THAT STATE!

Enraged by xylophone, woman dumps pan of grease on man’s head

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OUTDOORSPERSONS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

“They were calling to each other and sneaking up on each other like two toms coming at each other,” Bussone said. “Both swore they were sneaking on real turkeys.”

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

AND IF THEY DON'T PAY UP, THEY'LL GET MANILOW

Kenny G serenades Delta passengers for charity

(Thanks to James Flynn, who says "At United, they just beat you.")

ALWAYS A SHREWD MOVE

Santa Rosa woman arrested for allegedly inhaling drugs while talking with cops

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS LEFT

Soon, Rhode Island drivers will no longer be allowed to smile in their driver’s license photos.

(Thanks to funny man)

THAT'S BECAUSE IT TAKES THREE ADULTS

Survey: 1 In 5 Adults In The UK Can’t Change A Lightbulb, Boil An Egg

(Thanks to coscolo)

OH, THE HUMANITY

Semi Carrying 47,000 Pounds of Beer Overturned on Highway 299 West of Big Bar

Must be a really big bar.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

April 23, 2017

THIS BLOG CARES, DAMMIT

Al has made 50+ billion Dum Dums in over 48 years at the factory, and is retiring Friday, but HE THINKS NO ONE CARES.

(Thanks to funny man)

SECRET INGREDIENT

Following the recent trend of locals in the southernmost Narathiwat province drinking water from a “sacred pond” that they believed cured illness, health officials tested the water and found out the pond is actually contaminated with feces.

(Thanks to funny man)

THEY ARE CLOSELY RELATED IN THE FOOD PYRAMID

Frozen hash brown recall due to possible 'extraneous golf ball materials'

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith and Peter Metrinko)

IT'S VERY HEALTHY, EXCEPT FOR THE SPLINTERS

Pakistani man, 50, is addicted to eating TREES

(Thanks to funny man, who is NOT making fun of the man's name)

BEST NAME FOR A LANDSCAPE SERVICE SO FAR THIS WEEK

They'll punish your yard, and your yard will love it.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

MICHIGAN HEALTH ADVISORY:

Please Don't Perform Liposuction in Barns

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WOODY ALLEN DID THIS DECADES AGO

The clerk said he couldn’t read the handwriting and handed it back to the man and asked him to read it to him. The robber complied and read the note aloud.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "He had a gub, apparently.")

April 22, 2017

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

A new strain of red-eyed mutant wasps has been brought into the world by a team of scientists.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

CSI: THAILAND

“You’ve got a drunk monkey going through your coconuts.”

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SOMEHOW, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

Man sets underwear on fire while passed out in Walmart bathroom

(Thanks to Ralph)

April 21, 2017

'I STOMPED HIM WITH MY FOOT AND PUT HIM IN A JAR AND BROUGHT HIM WITH ME'

90-year-old woman bitten by poisonous snake, drives herself to church

(Thanks to Michael Huber)

'A NEW STANDARD OF CARE'

Prosecutors say an Alaska dentist charged with Medicaid fraud pulled a sedated patient's tooth while riding a hoverboard.

(Thanks to funny man, B'game and Le Petomane)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A deputy asked Hunt where she was coming from and she responded by saying, “from the bar.” The deputy then asked Hunt if she had been drinking and she replied, “A lot, I shouldn’t be driving.”

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Florida man accused of biting dog

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

BOOB HIGHLIGHTER IS NOW OFFICIALLY HAPPENING

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

'PLUG AND PLANT,' DUDE

A Los Angeles entrepreneur could make a lot of green with his new invention: A refrigerator-sized device that grows pot.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BUT THE BIG ONES ARE FINE

TSA confirms miniature magic warhammers not OK on planes

(Thanks to RussellMc, who asks "Then why even go on living?")

THERE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

A robber wearing a cardboard box holds up 2 Jewel Lake stores, Anchorage police say

(Thanks to Jane in Kenai)

FLORIDA SUAVE

A Bay County man has been arrested after he allegedly broke into a woman’s vehicle and home to leave underwear he wanted her to wear, according to arrest reports.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DON'T ALL GUYS DO THIS?

Thai police arrest man smuggling semen into Laos

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

April 20, 2017

YEAH, RIGHT

Sarcasm Makes You (and Your Friends) Smarter

4-20 WARNING FOR THE WYOMING, MN, AREA:

Watch out, dudes.

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR STRAWBERRY ALARM CLOCK

Giant ‘Spider Bum Parachutes’ Cover New Zealand Field

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Bob Brogan)

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY WE DO NOT HANG OUT WITH THEM

Crayfish who live in groups get drunk more easily than loners

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

BY THE WAY, HAPPY 4-20, DUDES

Migrant workers are making thousands trimming marijuana in California

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS 'THE MOOSE OF FLORIDA'

Alligator snarls traffic along Veterans Expressway

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Breathalyzer officer fired after showing up for work drunk

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THESE KIDS TODAY

More Americans 18-to-34 Now Live With Parents Than With Spouse

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

ADVISORY TO MAINE MOTORISTS:

"You may experience heavy moose traffic on the Passagassawakeag River Veterans Memorial bridge this morning."

(Thanks to Ralph)

April 19, 2017

MEDICAL PRACTITIONER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Factory worker sticks a 1.6ft long eel into his anus believing it could treat his constipation

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, who says "It was a consenting eel, I hope.")

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE TOMATO SOUP

Semi filled with 20K pounds of cheese bursts into flames in West Allis

(Thanks to funny man)

IT WAS LOVE-LOVE

Incredibly loud sex interrupts Florida tennis match

(Thanks to Mike Ricciardi, Le Petomane and funny man)

WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT

I was on the website of the Journal of the American Medical Association looking up an article on emergency room injuries when I got this cute "You May Also Like" referrals.

Screen Shot 2017-04-19 at 12.57.22 PM

-- Peter Metrinko

 
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