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March 25, 2017

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, YOU AND MR. FOOT ARE FREE TO GO

Idaho woman blames hungry Bigfoot for crashing vehicle

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

SOUTH EUCLID TACKLES THE ISSUES

Police called to South Euclid Taco Bell due to dispute over 'Fire' or 'Mild' sauce

(Thanks to Ralph)

SPORTS UPDATE

You don't want to read the sports update.

(Thanks to Roberto, and Rick Day)

March 24, 2017

ADVISORY

Your iPhone's dirtier than a toilet

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING SEXIER THAN TENTACLES

Meet Ripple: A tentacle-shaped wearable device for flirting

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

SPEAKING OF FLORIDA MEN DISRUPTING THINGS

Man arrested for disrupting 'Beauty and the Beast'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BECAUSE FLORIDA'S TRAFFIC WAS NOT DISRUPTED ENOUGH

Lakeland man charged after eating pancakes in roadway, disrupting traffic

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve, who says "I believe the pancakes were each given Florida Driver's licenses, and released.")

March 23, 2017

HASH BROWNS EVERYWHERE

Brawl between 2 women at Waffle House in Auburn caught on video

Advisory: Bad words.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS WERE BEHIND THIS

Turkey flew through New Hampshire truck driver's windshield

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WAIT... SO THEY GAVE UP DRIVING BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD?

Japanese town offering discount funerals for seniors who give up driving

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Las Vegas bus serves as mobile hangover cure clinic

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

LONG ISLAND LITFEST

On Sunday I'll join Alan Zweibel at Long Island LitFest, where we'll be talking about For This We Left Egypt?, the parody Haggadah we wrote with Adam Mansbach. We will also explain how matzah can be used as a weapon.

TENNIS IN MIAMI IS NOT LIKE TENNIS WHERE YOU LIVE

Here's Mrs. Blog's report of how a Miami Open match was invaded yesterday by a Jurassic Iguana.

March 22, 2017

WE BLAME GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE

Giant die washes ashore on Lake Coeur d'Alene

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

FORTUNATELY IT WAS BUD LIGHT

Police were investigating Wednesday morning after a load of beer was dumped on a road following a wreck.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Which is where it belongs, if you ask me.")

POLLY WANT A POPPY

Parrots flying high on drugs are annoying farmers by plundering poppy fields to feed their opium addiction

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Patty Villanova and Ron Weil)

SOMEBODY'S GOING TO HELL

Mississippi couple charged with using Bible to smuggle meth into jail

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Alamo Rangers detain man in Speedo riding wooden pony with rubber chicken

(Thanks to Bobby Grawl)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS LEFT

A student at a University of Maine campus is in trouble for taking his five baby pet alligators inside a taxicab.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

PAGING SAMUEL JACKSON

"The pilot came, and said, 'Guys, we have some loose snake on the plane, but we don't know where it is,'" McConnaughy said Tuesday.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT RESEARCH?

New research suggests that if you want to maintain your relationship, having sex could give you and your partner a short term boost of sexual satisfaction which also has a longer-lasting effect on your relationship.

(Thanks to The Perts)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

The internet is not happy with the new Wonder Woman’s armpits

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICERS?

Police detain DUII suspect in Deadpool pajamas, found passed out at Portland Taco Bell

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

March 21, 2017

HARD TO ARGUE

Man charged after crashing car into tree repeatedly ‘to prove a point’

(Thanks to Monique)

ROUNDUP ON AISLE SEVEN

Woody Fields and one of his friends rode their horses through a Walmart in Houston, Texas on Sunday

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man burns down parents' house, kills pets while trying to exterminate ants

(Thanks to Rick Day)

ALSO ONE OF THEM IS CLEARLY TALKING ON AN IPHONE

Ancient statues are holding modern handbags in 100% definite proof of time travel

(Thanks to Ralph)

YIKES

Just, yikes.

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

WOULD THIS WORK WITH THE IRS?

Last month more than 100 people, who said they were celebrating a baptism, sat down to a banquet at a restaurant in Spain. Afterward, they formed a conga line and danced out without paying.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Four teams competed in Russia’s first-ever car curling tournament.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE BARBECUE SAUCE

Here's a big chicken.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WHY?

Seriously, why?

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

March 20, 2017

FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND EMERGENCY TROUSERS TO AISLE FOUR

Costco shopper left pantless when phone catches fire in his pocket

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

BOTH KETCHUP AND MUSTARD WERE INVOLVED

Woman assaults mother with cheeseburger

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SO THE AUTHORITIES WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO GO ON

Wiping out crime: face-scanners placed in public toilet to tackle loo roll theft

(Thanks to Le Petomane and coscolo)

YIKES

Great white shark circles Hawaii fisherman's kayak for over an hour

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

PHYSICS

What Happens When an Amtrak Train Hits a Snowbank at the Station

(Thanks to The Perts)

SOMEHOW THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

Smith County deputy bitten by naked man carrying shovel

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

THEY WERE CONSENTING MOTORBIKES

Randy fetishist filmed 'having sex' with three MOTORBIKES after disgusted owners find holes cut in their seats

(Thanks to Le Petomane to DaninDallas)

March 19, 2017

SUAVE

Footballer accidentally thanks his wife and girlfriend in incredible man of the match speech

(Thanks to Ralph)

THESE SENIORS TODAY

'Inappropriate behavior at Friday bingo' reduces games at Holyoke Senior Center, director says

(Thanks to Roberto)

PITCHFORKS WERE INVOLVED

Birmingham golf course beaver kill a dystopian Caddyshack

March 18, 2017

CHUCK BERRY

Man.

He basically invented rock and roll. So many great songs, so many wonderful lyrics. And the guitar licks... Everybody who plays rock guitar learns those licks.

He may not have been the best person. But he changed our culture. The word "genius" is much overused, especially when music icons die. But this guy...

IT WAS A CONSENTING CEMENT MIXER

Bizarre moment 'crackhead' feels up cement mixer because he thinks it's a woman

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

HE ALSO HAD A SET OF BRASS KNUCKLES

Man accused of posing as dentist allegedly cooked meth in office

He looks legit to us.

Screen Shot 2017-03-18 at 2.12.28 PM

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Engineer Creates Sex Robot That Needs To Be Romanced First

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

March 17, 2017

AT LEAST IT WASN'T A GATOR

That's what Monica Dorsett found out when what appears to be a red rat snake slithered from the vent in her car as she drove through down a Venice roadway.

(Thanks to Michael Huber)

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THE SECOND AMENDMENT

Berlin police announced they seized an artist's homemade cannon after a coconut launched by the device narrowly missed hitting a dog walker.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

YET ANOTHER WAY TO MAKE THE SPORT INTERESTING

PGA golfer casually removes alligator from Bay Hill course

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Ranald Adams and Jeff Meyerson)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Man drives drunkenly, urinates on himself twice

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

 
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