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March 21, 2017

GUYS IN ACTION

Man burns down parents' house, kills pets while trying to exterminate ants

(Thanks to Rick Day)

ALSO ONE OF THEM IS CLEARLY TALKING ON AN IPHONE

Ancient statues are holding modern handbags in 100% definite proof of time travel

(Thanks to Ralph)

YIKES

Just, yikes.

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

WOULD THIS WORK WITH THE IRS?

Last month more than 100 people, who said they were celebrating a baptism, sat down to a banquet at a restaurant in Spain. Afterward, they formed a conga line and danced out without paying.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Four teams competed in Russia’s first-ever car curling tournament.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE BARBECUE SAUCE

Here's a big chicken.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WHY?

Seriously, why?

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

March 20, 2017

FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND EMERGENCY TROUSERS TO AISLE FOUR

Costco shopper left pantless when phone catches fire in his pocket

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

BOTH KETCHUP AND MUSTARD WERE INVOLVED

Woman assaults mother with cheeseburger

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SO THE AUTHORITIES WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO GO ON

Wiping out crime: face-scanners placed in public toilet to tackle loo roll theft

(Thanks to Le Petomane and coscolo)

YIKES

Great white shark circles Hawaii fisherman's kayak for over an hour

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

PHYSICS

What Happens When an Amtrak Train Hits a Snowbank at the Station

(Thanks to The Perts)

SOMEHOW THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

Smith County deputy bitten by naked man carrying shovel

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

THEY WERE CONSENTING MOTORBIKES

Randy fetishist filmed 'having sex' with three MOTORBIKES after disgusted owners find holes cut in their seats

(Thanks to Le Petomane to DaninDallas)

March 19, 2017

SUAVE

Footballer accidentally thanks his wife and girlfriend in incredible man of the match speech

(Thanks to Ralph)

THESE SENIORS TODAY

'Inappropriate behavior at Friday bingo' reduces games at Holyoke Senior Center, director says

(Thanks to Roberto)

PITCHFORKS WERE INVOLVED

Birmingham golf course beaver kill a dystopian Caddyshack

March 18, 2017

CHUCK BERRY

Man.

He basically invented rock and roll. So many great songs, so many wonderful lyrics. And the guitar licks... Everybody who plays rock guitar learns those licks.

He may not have been the best person. But he changed our culture. The word "genius" is much overused, especially when music icons die. But this guy...

IT WAS A CONSENTING CEMENT MIXER

Bizarre moment 'crackhead' feels up cement mixer because he thinks it's a woman

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

HE ALSO HAD A SET OF BRASS KNUCKLES

Man accused of posing as dentist allegedly cooked meth in office

He looks legit to us.

Screen Shot 2017-03-18 at 2.12.28 PM

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Engineer Creates Sex Robot That Needs To Be Romanced First

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

March 17, 2017

AT LEAST IT WASN'T A GATOR

That's what Monica Dorsett found out when what appears to be a red rat snake slithered from the vent in her car as she drove through down a Venice roadway.

(Thanks to Michael Huber)

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THE SECOND AMENDMENT

Berlin police announced they seized an artist's homemade cannon after a coconut launched by the device narrowly missed hitting a dog walker.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

YET ANOTHER WAY TO MAKE THE SPORT INTERESTING

PGA golfer casually removes alligator from Bay Hill course

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Ranald Adams and Jeff Meyerson)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Man drives drunkenly, urinates on himself twice

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SHE'S A DENTAL HYGIENIST. REALLY.

Key West police: Woman bites husband during sex

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "This is a crime now?")

IT IS INDEED

A porn actress, a bogus doc and a butt implant gone bad — it’s a Miami crime story

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

Let's be careful out there.

"I saw him, and he was basically a green man," Pohlman said, adding that after nurses cleaned off the patient, staffers determined he sustained a concussion and some broken bones.

AND IN SPORTS

Vasectomies peak during March Madness

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

A Moscow petting zoo is suing a Russian ad agency after they rented a raccoon that was used in a nude photo shoot.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NAME THAT CITY

“The beachgoer made a poor choice when she mounted one of our vehicles."

(Thanks to Ralph)

A GRATEFUL NATION REJOICES

Ohio store's 70-pound, $700 popcorn ball returned after theft

(Thanks to Jon Harris and funny man)

WE SAW M.A.S.M. OPEN FOR THE COWSILLS

Militant' anti-smoking monkey destroys tourist's cigarettes

(Thanks to Ralph)

March 16, 2017

CSI: SANDUSKY

“She got into the bathtub, and they put ketchup all over to make it look like he murdered her.”

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

'DUDE, YOU DID *WHAT* WITH THE COOLER?'

Marijuana-filled cooler worth $24K donated to Goodwill

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says "Chill, Dude.")

THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT QUARTERS

Pair of coin-operated binoculars stolen in Massachusetts

(Thanks to Poker)

'NETFLIX, YOUTUBE AND SMALL CHILDREN' BLAMED

U.S. study shows people having less sex, especially when they're married

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A LOT MORE FROSTING

Westland District Council manager awarded cake decorator's firm $7 million contract to build sewage plant

(Thanks to funny man)

March 15, 2017

NEW JERSEY LEGAL UPDATE

Louann Clem filed the suit in September 2015 saying she suffered mental and physical anguish after Case Pork Roll Co. dismissed her husband because he passed gas too often on the job.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

BOLO

70-pound popcorn ball, valued at $700, stolen from Ohio shop

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT

Maryland Man Made a Snowplow Out of His Toilet

(Thanks to Roberto)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

This is the amusing moment a jockey walked past the camera stark naked during live coverage of the Cheltenham Festival.

(Thanks to Roberto)

YOU KNOW YOU WANT THE T-SHIRT

Concerns stem over Innovation Park Middle School's name

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

"stem over?"

WE BELIEVE THE GENERAL SMOKED A CORN COB PIPE

During the party, “historical memorabilia related to General Douglas MacArthur were used by the participants in sexual acts,” according to the indictment.

(Thanks to Barry Phillips)

AUSSIE GUYS IN ACTION

A cycling group has caused a stir online after completing a 202-kilometre ride across Perth, mapping a picture of a goat.

(Thanks to The Perts)

FORTUNATELY IT HAS A VALID DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida neighborhood on alert for escaped cobra

(Thanks to Rick Day, Ranald Adams, Jay Brandes and Chris Johnson)

March 14, 2017

A WELL-THOUGHT-OUT PLAN

Naked man becomes trapped in the wall of a sandwich shop after lowering himself down on a rope to go looking for a 'wishing well'

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Le Petomane)

TO BOLDLY GO

German Scientists Grow Tomatoes in Urine in Anticipation of Future Space Expeditions

YEP, THEY'LL DO THAT

Villager arrested on DUI charge tells police officer her golf cart ‘just took off’

In that case, ma'am....

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Substitute teacher accused of drinking box of wine in front of students

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen, who says "Can't say as I'd blame her.")

 
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