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February 22, 2017

AND THEY'RE *NOT WEARING HELMETS*

Semi-naked couple caught on camera 'having SEX while riding motorbike' in the middle of busy road

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THEY'RE FEEDING ON 'FALSE TRUFFLES'

RADIOACTIVE wild boars roaming European mountains after eating mushrooms contaminated by Chernobyl

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

HAVE ANOTHER DOUGHNUT

Obese men last 1 minute 30 seconds LONGER in the bedroom, study says

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

THIS BLOG IS WITH HIM 100 PERCENT

The President of Iceland wants to ban pineapple pizza

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

CSI: GRAFENRHEINFELD

Police in Bavaria say they were able to track down a man responsible for a hit-and-run by following the hoof prints and manure left behind by the horse pulling his carriage.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

February 21, 2017

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Suspect Used Sex Toy During Attack

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Michael Huber, DaninDallas, Al Barkafski and Steve Pudlo)

THAT'S DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE

'Vagina lipstick glue' is even more terrible than it sounds

(Thanks to Moat Titan Vol)

MEN:

Do not click here.

Women should not either.

(Thanks to funny man and Roberto)

'THIS IS MY ART'

The incident happened last Friday during a cancer fundraising event when Lemesoff says Sonic Rabbit Hole, a pair of performance artists, took the stage and one attempted to give the other an enema.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

PARENT LEVEL: MASTER

College student's care package filled with trash he neglected at home

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

NO.

Peeps-flavored Oreos.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE...

...you might get gored.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SCIENCE!

You're a completely different person at 14 and 77, according to the longest-ever study into human character

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Allen at Division)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST TEAR UP THE CANADIAN CONSTITUTION, ASSUMING THERE IS ONE

Edmonton police issue ticket for wearing a ferret while driving

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

GUYS IN ACTION

A Japanese student has just broken the Guinness World Record for the most finger snaps in a minute.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

YET IT MADE A GREAT PET

 Plane-sized flying reptile was a feared killer in Transylvania

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW

...is a whole lot of Slinkies.

(Thanks to Michael Moyer)

AUSTRALIA DINING REPORT

Waitress drags massive goanna from restaurant as shocked diners watch

(Thanks to Rick Day)

February 20, 2017

CANADAAAAAAAAAA

Eighth-grade teacher is suspended after giving students instructions on how to cook and inject meth for drama class

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

MAINE TRAFFIC UPDATE

Here we have a moose standing on a car

This has been your Maine Traffic Update.

(Thanks to Talph)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

Man leaves footprint at crime scene, claims someone took his shoes

(Thanks to jeff Meyerson, who says "In that case, sir, you are free to go with our apologies.")

'ALCOHOL MAY BE PLAYING A LITTLE BIT OF A FACTOR'

Woman charged with theft after riding motorized shopping cart in middle of road in Bath Township

(Thanks to Judy B.)

February 19, 2017

YIKES

This bald eagle built its nest next to the field where my daughter's team was playing in a soccer tournament today. I got this picture of it taking off to hunt for food. Fortunately it didn't decide to carry off one of the players, because I'm pretty sure, based on talon size, that it could have.

8D9A4568

February 18, 2017

UPDATE ON THE BISHOP OF COVENTRY

Our official policy prohibits us from bringing you the update on the Bishop of Coventry, who appears in paragraph seven.

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)]

THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK

Florida woman pours glue into ATMs after card repeatedly declined

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE MUTANT CHICKENS

Improper use of Neti Pots may cause brain-eating amoebas

(Thanks to Chris Johnson)

SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE BYRDS

Mutant chickens that can lay the eggs of OTHER hens may help save rare breeds

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

February 17, 2017

WASTE NOT, WANT NOT

Woman accused of drinking wine in front of cops after crashing her car

(Thanks to funny man)

GUYS IN ACTION

Helicopter pilot lands to ask for directions in Kazakhstan

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

AT THE WHAT?

My day at the designer vagina showcase

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

CSI: RHODE ISLAND

Tracks in the snow lead police to a suspected snowblower thief

(Thanks to Monique)

APPARENTLY THIS FAMILY DOES NOT OWN A DOG

Mom says thieves stole her daughter's chemistry homework

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "BOLO for a football player whose grades suddenly went up.")

'IN HIS MIND, HE THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE IN HIS HOUSE'

Ontario man forgot he hid $100,000 in cash inside TV 30 years ago. Then it was found in a scrap heap

(Thanks to Roberto)

THE WEST: STILL WILD

Brothers Jesse James, Billy Kidd arrested after disturbance at Lubbock bar

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

FINANCIAL PLANNING IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

Florida Man Charged With Trying to Blow Up Target Stores to Tank Company’s Stock

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

CLEARLY THESE SCIENTISTS NEVER WATCH MOVIES

Woolly mammoth on verge of resurrection, scientists reveal

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who asks "What could go wrong?")

CLASSES WE PROBABLY DO NOT NEED

Exhibit A.

(Thanks to Ralph)

POLICE HAVE SOMETHING TO GO ON

A raid conducted at a vacant storefront in Providence, Rhode Island, Thursday morning turned out to be connected to the theft of $90,000 worth of diapers.

(Thanks to Momique)

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

Woman Tells Police that the Items Found in Her Underwear Did Not Belong to Her

Autoplay.

(Thanks to D.D. Walker)

February 16, 2017

THEY'RE KILLING THE THIMBLE!

Say goodbye to this classic Monopoly token

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

ALWAYS KEEP SOME HANDY

13 pounds of horse genitals concealed in woman's luggage; claimed it was for medicinal purposes

We saw 13 Pounds of Horse Genitals open for the Troggs.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, Michael Moyer, Michael Huber and Puptentacle)

FLORIDAAAAAAA

The woman accused of performing a sex act inside the Duval County Courthouse and then posting a video of the act has been arrested.

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Roberto)

AND YOU THINK THINGS ARE BAD NOW

The Nightmare That Was “His & Her” Fashions

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT WAS A CONSENTING BOTTLE

A MAN got his penis stuck in a plastic bottle and had to call firefighters to get it removed in an embarrassing Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired move.

SURELY THAT WILL WIN HER BACK

Jilted boyfriend, 54, took revenge on his ex-lover by flushing her HAMSTER down the toilet after a row

WE'RE REALLY GLAD AUSTRALIA'S AN ISLAND

Deadly spider kills deadly snake.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

February 15, 2017

LOOK OUT BELOW

'Flying bum' to take to the skies once more

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

FLATHEAD COUNTY: THE LAST FRONTIER

8:33 p.m. A Whitefish resident called to report that while he was at work, his landlord fixed his door that day and apparently stole some change in the process. But the bigger problem was that the bathroom door inside the apartment was shut and locked. The caller said he was concerned that someone was in the bathroom, even though he couldn’t hear anyone in there. Despite the lack of evidence, the caller was ready to “take them down” utilizing a can of pepper spray and a saw. The caller was advised to leave the house and let police take care of the issue. The man then waited outside, still wielding the pepper spray and saw, for police who checked the apartment and found no one inside.

(Thanks to Roberto)

YOU KNOW WHERE THEY'RE HIDING IT

$1.2M of colonoscopy equipment stolen from Toronto Western Hospital

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

Plane hits deer while taking off from North Carolina airport

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who asks "Was it Donner or Blitzen?" and Le Petomane, who says "The buck stops here.")

 
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