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March 26, 2016

MEANWHILE AT RIDGEMOOR ELEMENTARY

A woman allegedly blocking views at a kindergarten play started a chain of events that led to police being called.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

"We have received an image in which the devil's face appears on a steak"

(Thanks to Rick Day)

YOU TELL US

Is there a more fitting way to celebrate Easter than to fashion a crucified rabbit entirely out of toast and leave it outside Tooting Broadway station the day before it begins?

(Thanks to Ralph)

March 25, 2016

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DAVE CLARK FIVE

Rampant wiener thefts threaten Red River College stores' bottom line

(Thanks to Ralph)

TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE

Police in Massachusetts have charged a man they say got so angry when he found out that Taco Bell was closed that he sped off in his car, crashed into a free-standing ATM building, and knocked himself unconscious.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

SUSPECTED OF WHAT?

Suspected komodo dragon found wandering in New York

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

The World's First Adult Ball Pit Bar Is Now Open

From the comments: "Imagine having to clean drunk people's vomit and piss out of a ball pit though."

(Thanks to WYSIWYG)

HAPPY EASER!

Misspelled Acomb sign proclaims 'Chris is Risen'

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO GO

While admitting that marijuana found in his car belonged to him, a Florida man disavowed ownership of crack cocaine that was “concealed beneath his genitals”

(Thanks to Dave D)

IF THIS DOESN'T SAVE THE NEWSPAPER BUSINESS, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

Sometimes Bezos’s creativity gets the better of him. Prakash says the owner suggested a gamelike feature that would allow a reader who didn’t enjoy an article to pay to remove its vowels. He called it 'disemvoweling,' and the concept was to allow another reader to pay to restore the missing letters.

(Thanks to Ralph)

TICKETS ARE STILL AVAILABLE

'Menopause the Musical' returns to the Dutch Apple Dinner Theatre

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

STANDING HIS GROUND

Florida man busted after holding teens at gunpoint over doorbell prank

(Thanks to Rick Day)

TASTES JUST LIKE CHICKEN EAR

I was out for lunch the other day and the restaurant required a wait time to be seated.  So, Penny and I went into the market next door where I snapped this picture taken from their food ready to eat section.  Then I drove back to the office and had Stouffer's lasagna.

-- manual tomato

THE FRIENDLY SKIES

A United Airlines pilot has been arrested and accused of running a string of brothels in apartment complexes and office buildings throughout Houston.

Bonus Assistant County District Attorney Name: "Lester Blizzard"

(Thanks to Stan Ruth and Al Barkafski)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Jugs of urine on apartment balcony irk neighbor

(Thanks to Geoff, who saw them open for Mötley Crüe)

SEND THIS DEMOLITION COMPANY TO WASHINGTON

Texas demolition company tears down the WRONG tornado-damaged home after 'Google Maps glitch' gave them an incorrect address

(Thanks to Diane and funny man)

Related: 'That's not Grandma': Funeral home cremates the wrong woman

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GUYS IN ACTION

A man has been charged with unlawful use of a weapon and child endangerment after police say he used a handgun as a hammer while working on a project at a southeast Missouri elementary school.

(Thanks to Kim Michel)

'THE INSPIRATION COMES FROM EVEL KNIEVEL'

This Man Wants to Launch Himself over ‘Grand Canyon of Texas’ in a Steam-Powered Rocket

Because it worked out so well for Evel Knievel.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Le Petomane, both of whom ask what could possibly go wrong)

UPDATE

Missing Roswell UFO found in pieces west of city

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

CELEBRITY UPDATE

TMZ Sued for Naming Wrong Rapper Who Cut Off His Penis

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER

Man arrested for not returning 'Freddy Got Fingered' VHS rental in 2002

(Thanks to ksmith, Mike Ester, Rick Day, funny man, Madeleine, Al Barkafski and Jon Harris)

WATCH OUT, TINDER

Love is in the armpit at New York's Smell Dating

(Thanks to Le Petomane, Jim Kenaston, Madeleine, Al Barkafski, Patty Villanova and B'game)

FLORIDA LICENSES ARE ON THE WAY

Man covered in gold spray paint arrested after 'hitting three cars while driving under the influence'

(Thanks to Patty Villanova, Jeff Meyerson and ksmith)

SUV falls four stories onto its roof, driver not seriously injured

(Thanks to Another Ralph)

FLORIDA DINING REPORT

A man has been charged with criminal mischief after allegedly falling through a restaurant ceiling while people were eating, according to an affidavit.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

March 24, 2016

WEIRDLY FASCINATING

Chocolate Easter Bunny vs. hydraulic press.

Screen Shot 2016-03-24 at 2.24.42 PM

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

SOUNDS GREAT, EXCEPT FOR THE 'MULTISPORT' PART

Greater Yellowstone Multisport & Beer Adventure

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

GUYS IN ACTION

It was not clear why Presley shot a lawn mower filled with an explosive.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Jeff Meyerson)

HE'S PROBABLY PINING FOR THE FJORDS*

Mystery over parrot on London Underground

(Thanks to Ralph)

*Classical reference.

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Texas woman pulls in front of ex-boyfriend's new Rolls Royce, takes out gun and disables luxury car with one shot

She looks distraught.

Rolls24n-1-web

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

JUST A CHOCOLATE BUNNY FOR US, THANKS

Chicken diapers for Easter?

(Thanks to bayou girl)

WHY IS IT EVEN LEGAL?

A can of Axe body spray is being blamed for an incident that had the Seattle Fire Department evacuating a University District church and daycare center, and calling in a hazmat team.

(Thanks to Ralph, and Debbie in the Hague)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR STYX

Genetically-Modified Maggots Could Help Wounds Heal Faster

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

March 23, 2016

'TRAINING'

State lawmakers are considering a bill that would require all Alabama teachers to take training on how not to have sex with their students.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THIS SOUNDS BAD UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHO THE COMPETITION IS

Prairie Dogs Are Serial Killers That Murder Their Competition

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

THEY BUILT A FORT OUT OF THEM

Charity shop begs women not to return used copies of Fifty Shades of Grey

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

LOOKING TO ADD SPARKS TO YOUR LOVE LIFE?

Mirrored headboard turns into 'big magnifying glass,' burns Fresno home's carport to crisp

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

NONE OF THESE THINGS SHOULD BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

A Crestview couple was arrested early Tuesday morning after a woman hit her husband in the back of the head with a burrito and he retaliated by stabbing her in the hand with a fork, according to an Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office social media post.

(Thanks to Diane)

THEY MIGHT GET REALLY, REALLY FAR

Flying saucer stolen in Roswell

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SCIENCE

Shooting Lasers at Frogs Brings Us Closer to Curing Cancer

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

GUESS THE STATE

Woman runs over boyfriend outside topless spot

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Watch naked Broad Street reveller be 'rescued' by Bananaman

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

BOLO, MISSOURI

Somebody kidnapped Barrel Bob.

(Thanks to Kim Michel)

EVERY PARENT CAN RELATE

The diabolical Lego Firewalk.

(Thanks to Peter)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Somebody is remaking Plan 9 from Outer Space.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

'HE WAS THE ONLY CUSTOMER WHO BROUGHT A GIANT SNAKE'

Man Accused Of Throwing 13-Foot-Long Python At Sushi Bar Customers In Studio City

(Thanks to Steve Thompson, Jon Harris, Rob Simbeck, Jay Brandes and PirateBoy)

BUSCH MEETS FRITO-LAY

Beer, chips spill onto I-95 after semi overturns in crash

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, Timothy Howe, DaninDallas, Dave D, Allen at Division, R&L Stevenson, Madeleine, Jeff Schneider, Ian Clark and Ray Reese)

You know the state.

March 22, 2016

STAY CLASSY, STREETS OF NEW YORK

X-rated Easter bunnies deliver SEX TOYS disguised as eggs on streets of New York

What is going on with the Easter Bunny?

(Thanks to funny man)

AS SO MANY CHASES DO

NY man led cops on chase that ended at ham raffle

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FLORIDA DRIVER OF THE DAY SO FAR

"Why do I need a drivers license?" he asked. People in wheelchairs don't need drivers licenses."

(Thanks to Diane)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

7:23 p.m. A presumably drunken driver had a hard time “keeping it between the mustard and the mayo.”

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

 
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