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September 28, 2015

ACTUALLY, NO

This Psychic Will Predict Your Future by Touching Your Butt

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

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I can predict what will happen if she touches mine.

Where is mudstuffin when you need him?

Well, she did pretty much nail Kim Kardashian's butt.

World's worst superpower.

Is it Sly Stalone mother again?

She just is enjoying touching these guys butts too much. Pretty funny.

"You will be mocked relentlessly for letting me touch your butt."

That line only works on White House interns.

Touch my butt and you'll have no future.

Beware of Aliens who use that pickup line. Especially if from Draco.

I think she's on crack.

Dear Dave:

I am Ukrainian Baba, grandma, and spiritualist. This so call fortune teller steal this practice from ancient Ukrainian ritual. I describe in my book:

"During Winter Solstice, women tell fortune in bannia (steam bath). Baba get this down to art, because is no-fail method to know what kind of New Year you going to have. She lift back of skirt and walk into bannia this way. Not even thong to intervene in experience. If bannik, bath house spirit, touch her soft and warm, is good luck. If she feel cold, prickly hand, this is bad news all the way. Time to run. She recommend this as rule of life whether you in bannia or not.

Baba have high recommendation of this method. She love her tarot card, but here there is no wiggling room for misinterpretation.

Once you learn your fortune, have steam and throw cold water on self, you going to be hungry like steppe wolf. Time to cook one my recipe..."

From Baba's Kitchen: Ukrainian Soul Food
www.ukrainiansoulfood.ca

motw: sorry - i was preoccupied. all i was gonna say was "I predict you're about to punch a psychic". It looks like wanderer 2575 pretty much covered that.

some other ideas:

"you will soon shower, at least i hope to god you will"

"you are related to yeti"

"ew"

"i thought you were crazy, but now i can see your nuts"*

"you are cursed to write many poems about snakes... squirrels too, but mostly snakes"

*borrowed from Mike Myers

When the moon is in the seventh house.
And Jupiter aligns with Mars...

Your future is foretold by the position of Uranus.

Key simile:

...rise like palm trees but fall like coconuts.

Thank you, Baba, for clearing that up. It is also good to know that Ukrainian spiritualism and soul food go hand in hand. Or hand in something.

She said to me : I see big changes. I can feel it ...
Problem is , she was touching other part of my anatomy.
Big deal...

She told myself :
Big changes are coming. I can feel it in my hand...
Problem is , she was touching other part of my anatomy.

A regular NostraBUMus!

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