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April 24, 2015

IS OUR TEENS LEARNING?

Teen wears fake bomb to ask date to prom

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Bill Hudgins)

WORKING ON HIS BRIEFS

According to a complaint filed by a female clerk, the judge often removes his pants while he's in chambers

(Thanks to Monique)

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

The simple act of thinking can accelerate the growth of many brain tumors.

(Thanks to Scott MGS)

CSI: WEST HARTFORD

A husband and wife have been stabbed with a sword in a domestic dispute at a Connecticut water pipe smoking lounge.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi, who says "This sort of thing happens far too often in Connecticut.")

GUESS HER STATE OF RESIDENCE

Woman calls judge an 'impotent geezer' in legendary court document

Advisory: Many non-legal words.

(Thanks to Dani K.)

WE'D JOG WITH A SHOTGUN

Having trouble getting motivated to jog? What if, to help you along your way, there was a flying robot always a few steps ahead of you, its mechanical hovering body an exercise in technologically advanced mockery?

(Thanks to coscolo)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Taco cannon is real

(Thanks to Dave R., Will Dooley and Bill Hudgins, who says "I've had some tacos that made me feel like doing this.")

 

HORSE RACING DOWN UNDER

Whoa.

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner and Peter Metrinko)

SUBJECT OF AN EMAIL THIS BLOG RECEIVED

If you go to bed with vigor in your pants, you never go alone.

A FLORIDA ETC.

Naked woman drives through Houston Kohl’s store after happy hour

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NOW *THIS* IS LEADERSHIP

Leaders want topless sunbathing in L.A.'s Venice Beach

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

China vows crackdown on strippers at funerals

(Thanks to Eric Kociba, Andrew Mendez, Jon Harris, Phil McAvity, Nancy Gill, Charles Cates, Roger Hall, ScottMGS, Jeff Meyerson and Brian Duval)

MOOOOVE OUTTA THE WAY!

Cyborg cow sperm travels 30% faster after a shot of caffeine

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

We saw them open for the Ramones.

 

April 23, 2015

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Massive killer hornets could be heading to the UK this summer

Hornet

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who saw them open for somebody)

IT WILL BE REPLACED BY 'A HUMAN MUD FOOSBALL TOURNAMENT'

Wisconsin church ends pig wrestling after advocates raise stink

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE DAMN (AUSTRALIAN) CONSTITUTION

Farmer ordered to take down ‘offensive’ hay bale sculpture

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(Thanks to Allen at Division)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THAT WE, AS A SOCIETY, COULD NOT GET ANY STUPIDER

Competitive vaping.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

YES! YESSSSS!

Map: Who's Having the Loudest Sex in NYC?

More here from The Daily News, which is on top of reporting further on this story.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Jeff Meyerson)

FLORIDA: MAKING THE REST OF THE STATES FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES

Florida Man Tries to Kiss Cottonmouth Snake, Hospitalized after Bite

Bikini-wearing Naples grandma arrested for DUI after crash

(Both of these were sent in by many people)

April 22, 2015

GUYS IN ACTION

A Pittsburgh man who had consumed "a lot of vodka" and was furious that his girlfriend hitched a ride with another man jumped onto the hood of an SUV and hung on for a wild three-mile ride, prompting the arrest of the driver, according to the Allentown, Pa. Morning Call.

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

British man, 41, arrested after he 'urinated in ice machine at Hard Rock Hotel in Florida'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THAT CERTAINLY TOOK, UM, GUMPTION

Giant testicles: Man running London marathon in super sweaty costume

Testicles

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THIS TURNS OUT TO BE ILLEGAL

A Maine woman who was being hauled off to jail is facing even more charges after allegedly tearing apart a police cruiser with her teeth and attempting to head-butt a sheriff's deputy.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID ETC.

Dog driving tractor causes motorway tailbacks

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

We saw Motorway Tailbacks open for The Who.

TERRORISM UPDATE

Squirrels blamed for 3-day power outage at Richmond’s Fay Towers

(Thanks to Joseph Green and John Lennerton)

TOTALLY

Colorado man ticketed for shooting his computer; says it was worth it

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Ralph, Jay Brandes, Jon Harris, Craig Roberts, Allen at Division, Horace LaBadie, Gargoyle Socks and Charles Cates)

April 21, 2015

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

A special 'teabag' has been designed to transform ordinary bland lager into a refined craft beer.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

A FLORIDA PILOT'S LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Blamed initially on 'engine failure', it emerged on Tuesday that a government jet carrying Serbia's president to Italy last week was forced to turn back when the co-pilot spilled coffee on the instrument board.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Passing airplane may have unloaded used toilet paper all over Pa. town

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Craig Magee)

NEW HAMPSHIRE GETS DOWN

Canterbury Shaker Village opens with a heifer parade

(Thanks to Poker)

Related: Police got an unusual call Sunday night of cows wandering around the Mall of New Hampshire parking lots.

(Thanks to Glen Page)

THE DETERMINING FACTOR WAS THEIR VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

U.S. Court Recognizes Chimpanzees As “Legal Persons” For First Time

(Thanks to Will Dooley)

DUDE

Willie Nelson to sell marijuana

(Thanks to Ross Marks)

'ACTIVIST' IS ONE WORD FOR HIM

A clean-water activist plans to take the ultimate plunge on Earth Day, swimming 1.8 miles through Brooklyn’s nautical purgatory — the Gowanus Canal.

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(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THE LIFE OF THE SENIOR CENTER

"Spanx Smuggler," 70, Arrested With Four Pounds Of Cocaine In Her Girdles, Underwear

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Bill Hudgins)

SOME DAY HE'LL FIND IT, THE RAINBOW CONNECTION

New species of frog found in Costa Rica looks just like Kermit

Kermitfrog

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

AMERICA TACKLES THE ISSUES

Miley Cyrus’ armpit hair has divided social media

(Thanks to Ralph)

April 20, 2015

NO WORD ON WHAT MR. FLATULENCE THINKS

Mr. Toilet And Mr. Condom Think Jokes Will Save The World

(Thanks to Gargoyle Socks)

WE'RE A VERY PROUD BLOG TODAY

Remember this little guy?

Wiener

That formerly little guy was part of a team at the Wall Street Journal that just won a Pulitzer Prize for investigative reporting.

Here's a picture of the newsroom hearing the announcement:

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Here's more information on the project they did.

And here's the project.

And here's Rob with Dylan Maxwell Barry, who will one day be very proud of his old man.

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A FULL-SERVICE PRACTICIONER

According to documents, Manuel "bartered sex for services with some of these patients" and "performed exorcisms as part of his chiropractic treatment of patients."

(Thanks to Charles Cates and Jeff Meyerson)

THE WEEK IN SPORTS

Cubs Fan Catches Foul Ball In Her Cup Of Beer, Chugs It

This has been The Week In Sports.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

To clarify: No, she did not chug the ball.

POLLY WANT OUT

Parrot's Cries of 'Help, Fire' Bring Firefighters to Burning House in Idaho

(Thanks to many people)

THIS JUST IN

Penis returns to Hurricane, Utah restaurant's famous bull

(Thanks to Ralph)

LUCY MAKES THE BIG TIME

Immortalized in the funny pages.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

April 19, 2015

SEND THIS TREE TO WASHINGTON

Man in tractor tries to uproot tree, tree fights back

 (Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Oregon is Going to Try to Make Beer Out of Sewage Water

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL

Controversial swinger's club may now open as church

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

ARMED WITH ASSAULT SELTZER BOTTLES

Clowns clash with protesters at Ramos Bros. Circus in Southern California

(Thanks to Ron G. and Charles Cates)

SERIOUSLY, DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Cheating husband in hospital ‘with scrotum size of volleyball’ after wife kicks him in balls

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

April 18, 2015

ATTENTION, POST HUNT PEOPLE:

Get ready.

Screen Shot 2015-04-18 at 3.38.29 PM

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Escaped zebras chased through Brussels by police

(Thanks to Jeff in Pittsburgh)

Related: Buffalo herd roams Arkansas city neighborhoods

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

 
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