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March 24, 2015

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Scientists splice mammoth genes into unsuspecting elephant

(Thanks to The Perts)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Lebanon seizes half a ton of radioactive sanitary towels

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

EVIL

Watch 'ghost' cause man's pint to explode in pub

(Thanks to funny man)

NOW THE PALEONTOLOGISTS ARE JUST MESSING WITH US

Super-salamander with 'toilet-seat' head terrorised Earth 200 million years ago

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

HUH

A Chicago fire extinguisher manufacturing building collapsed after burning Thursday.

(Thanks to Ron G.)

March 23, 2015

THEY WON'T GET FAR

British police hunt thieves who stole 38 pythons

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

WE THOUGHT WE WOULD NEVER SEE A PRICE THIS REASONABLE

You can buy a hyper-realistic human foreskin sculpture for $1,000

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

GUYS IN ACTION

OK, we don't know what this is. But it's the greatest thing EVER. 

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

BROS

My little brothers Sam and Phil were in Miami over the weekend. When we get together we like to all stand in a line facing the same direction, except for Phil.

Bros copy

 

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

These won't last long.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR TONY ORLANDO

Undead Labs Finds Tons Of Hidden Penises In State Of Decay

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE CONSTITUTION

Oregon man cited after trying to board plane with bear paws

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

March 22, 2015

MIRACULOUSLY, IT TURNS OUT MANKATO IS NOT IN FLORIDA

'Pocket Dial' Leads To Triple Arrest In Mankato Burglary

(Thanks to TheOtherKevinSmith)

WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?

Ever had the urge to grab your crotch but couldn't because you were in public and that's just weird?

(Thanks to Wolverine)

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

First commercially available flamethrower

(Thanks to Janice Gelb, who adds, "Let the lawsuits begin.")

March 21, 2015

IT'S, LIKE, SO ANNOYING

Serbia Asks People To Please Stop Throwing Their Grenades In The Garbage

(Thanks to Greg Snow and John Gregg, who adds: "They should go in the blue recycling bin.)

SPORTING NEWS WE CANNOT POST DUE TO OUR STRICT POLICY

It's pronounced Foo-key.

(Thanks to Steve P., who adds, "Warning. Really bad word."

ALTHOUGH TOURIST TRAFFIC COULD BE AN ISSUE

Florida's largest concrete pour

(Thanks to Bryan Matthews)

March 20, 2015

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'REAL' IS NOT THE SAME AS 'GOOD'

BURGER KING'S WHOPPER-SCENTED PERFUME IS NOW A REAL THING

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie, MOTW, Jon Harris and PirateBoy)

BOLO

Ohio Police on the Hunt for Serial Pooper

(Thanks to Trent Whitney)

ADVISORY

Eva Mendes Calls Sweatpants 'Number One Cause of Divorce'

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

DYLAN MAXWELL BARRY AND LUCY

If one of them figures out how the doorknob works, we're in trouble.

644373_10101810231708047_922547367753340905_n

March 19, 2015

SIT, DUDE

Nevada lawmaker wants medical marijuana for pets

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

Two New Species Of Vampire Crabs Discovered

Purple vampire crab

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THE WEST: STILL WILD

Quiet Montana farming town disrupted by brief melee involving chain saw

(Thanks to Dawn Valley, who says "Usually our chainsaw melees last longer than that.")

'DARING' IS ONE WORD FOR IT

Chloe Sevigny poses with a lobster on her crotch in a daring shoot for Marfa Journal

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THE REAL SIGN WAS 'SHARKNADO 3'

'Friday's eclipse may signal the end of the world': Pastor warns that astronomical event could herald the day of judgement

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SHE'S COVERED

Topless dancer shot at Columbia club entitled to workers compensation, court says

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)

'AFTERBIRTH COCKTAILS'

Placenta smoothie business investigated by Wiltshire health officials

(Thanks to John Mayson)

THE NEWS FROM BANGKOK

Thais warned against taking 'underboob selfies'

This has been The News From Bangkok.

(Thanks to Azaliah Yadinah-Parker)

OUR NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER

Tan Mom is Back With a New Music Video and Very White Teeth

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

THE SMART PLAY IS TO JUST SIT ON THE BANK AND HAVE A BEER

Test of love: Man's girlfriend and ex-partner jump into river to see who he'll rescue

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

March 18, 2015

OH HELL YES

“Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” will air on July 22 at 9 p.m. EST

GREAT NEWS FOR THOSE OF US IN THE HUMOR PROFESSION

"I am the only one who can make America truly great again!"

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

The mobile video game developer responsible for the popular “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” game announced plans Tuesday to develop a game starring Kardashian half-sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner.

(Thanks to Judy B.)

WE KNEW THEY WOULDN'T STOP AT LOW-FLOW TOILETS

Developing a Wireless Device for Monitoring Water Usage for Hotel Showers

(Thanks to coscolo and Allen at Division)

FINALLY WE CAN MOVE ON

Inventor's original patent for perforated toilet roll conclusively ends that 'over or under' argument forever

(Thanks to Ralph)

March 17, 2015

WE SAY GIVE THEM BOTH THE CHAIR

Accused killer Robert Durst misidentified in AP story as ‘former Limp Bizkit frontman’ Fred Durst

THIS IS OF COURSE WRONG AND WE OF COURSE DISAPPROVE OF IT

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REMAINDERS FLASHBACK

Here's a video of my little brother Sam Barry performing "Nobody's Fault But Mine" at the Tucson Festival of Books and turning sideways partway through. (Video and special effects by Doloroes Bryant-Gevertz.)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

Ikea has stopped plans by thousands of people to play hide-and-seek in its maze-like stores in the Netherlands.

Ikea-hide

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS JUST IN

Australian TV Personality Wore A Jacket That Made It Look Like She Had A Giant Dick On Her Chest

(Thanks to DaveM)

PERHAPS IT WAS A DISTRESS SIGNAL

British Airways flight to Dubai forced to return to London due to ‘a smelly poo’ that stunk up entire plane

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Trent Whitney)

GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Urine-fuelled distress signal

(Thanks to Judy B.)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

Dancing, beer-drinking Florida man found inside beachfront mansion, claims he co-owns home with Mariah Carey

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says, "In that case, sir, you are free to go.")

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

The National Gallery announces its first ever naked tours

ADVISORY: Naked guy you might not want to see naked.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

March 16, 2015

WE'D NEED LONGER THAN THAT

Japan holds 24-hour festival to celebrate the penis

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

SSSSSburpSSSSS

A deadly Eastern Brown snake has been found in a backyard in Adelaide's northern suburbs with its head stuck in a beer can.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WE'VE HAD THESE IN FLORIDA FOR DECADES

Flying car will go on sale in 2017

(Thanks to The Perts)

 
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