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March 27, 2015

GRESHAM CRIME REPORT

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Gresham Crime Report.

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Ralph)

Comments

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"Dick, who is a registered sex offender,"

Paging Gene Weingarten...

Sometimes these things just write themselves.

--Serial flasher, Michael Dick.
--Tickle Creek
--Boring Creek
--He even has the hairline to make him look like a d!ck (I can say that because I do, too)

Dick is a FLASHER?

Run, Jane, run.....

Like Dr. Wang the urologist and Dr. Foote the podiatrist, sometimes we're destined to certain career and life choices based solely on our surnames.

"... got out of his pickup truck naked and began masturbating."

I usually start with, "Can I buy you a drink?".
(mostly clothed; almost always not masturbating)

He was said to be particularly active at 3:32 AM on the third Tuesday of every month.

Too bad he lives in Gresham, not Boring - the paper was deprived of the chance to use the truly blasé headline of BORING MAN ARRESTED FOR FLASHING.

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