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September 25, 2014

DINING OUT IN GRAND FORKS

A salad to remember at Applebee’s

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

To cap off your dining experience, you can check out Lift Station No. 16.

AW

Donkeys reunited at Polish zoo after sex scandal

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

CSI: MEMPHIS

4 officers off the job following portable toilet tipping incident

(Thanks to Bill)

GROUNDHOGGATE!

Zoo in coverup after groundhog dropped by de Blasio dies

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SUSHI LOVERS:

Do not read this.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

AT LAST, SOME GOOD NEWS FOR THIS TROUBLED PLANET

Justin Bieber recruits David Hasselhoff for new music video

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

An employee of an Idaho trucking company abandoned a trailer load of frozen chicken at a western Montana truck stop after the company reportedly refused a ransom demand.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

PEOPLE OF SAN LUIS OBISPO:

Come to my show! I will be naked. Unless you see that as a deterrent.

September 24, 2014

HEY, BLOGGERS OF THE TRIBE:

L'shanah tovah.

MEN: STOP READING NOW.

Dog walker shot in scrotum by neighbour in drive-by shooting

MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS

Should Pluto be a planet again? Panel votes to reinstate ninth world of the solar system in unofficial debate

(Thanks to Ross Holley)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Ephrata man injured after scooter strikes skunk

(Thanks to David)

OUR STRICT POLICY

...would never allow us to link to this.

(Thanks to Moe)

NAME THAT STATE

Mother drives with 5-month-old in trunk to avoid being cited for not having car seat

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OINK, BURP, MOO

A Rampaging Australian Pig Drank 18 Beers And Got In A Fight With A Cow

(Thanks to Claire Martin, who says "Australian pigs are Australian.")

'MANAGING THE SCENT FROM THE TOILET CAN ALSO BE AN ISSUE'

Professor moves into recycling bin in search of simpler life

"Simpler" is one word for it.

(Thanks to funny man)

SPORTS REPORT

Ashley Young still doesn't know if a bird pooped on his mouth or not

This has been the Sports Report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

‘Fart Metal’ Is Here: Decrepit Birth Drummer Creates Metal Song With Only His Own Flatulence For Vocals

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SUAVE

Driver hands officer a joint instead of license

(Thanks to Marie)

HIGHER ED

Ohio college president backs skunk safety

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

TRY THE LO MEIN, DUDE

Chinese restaurant admits to selling 'opium-laced noodles'

(Thanks to Focalpoint, John Gregg and coscolo)

WHERE THE *HELL* IS THE CONSUMER PRODUCT SAFETY COMMISSION?

Adult film star Missy Martinez says a Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator shot off sparks inches from her genitals while she was using it during a porn film shoot.

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Two suspects were arrested in connection with a BB gun shooting at the  McDonald's restaurant in Anderson.  Police said they were disgruntled because ketchup was not included in their order.

(Thanks to Mike)

SEND HIM TO WASHINGTON

Minnesota House candidate sued for sawing garage in half

(Thanks to Tash)

THEY'RE ALSO BIG FANS OF THE KARDASHIANS

Frog TV.

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

September 23, 2014

'PERSISTENT GENITAL AROUSAL SYNDROME'

Wisconsin Man Suffers 100 Unwanted Orgasms A Day

(Thanks to Michael Huber)

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN

Barry Manilow Halloween Surprise: “I Sing with Dead People” Duets with the Deceased

(Thanks to Dad-O-Lot, nursecindy, Carolyn and The Amazing Steve)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Sorry to break it to everyone but the woman who claims to have surgically implanted third breast is a self-proclaimed HOAXER

CSI: SANDPOINT

A northern Idaho woman has been charged with a felony after police say she chewed up the upholstery of a patrol car seat.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts and Woozy Barnes)

WE SAW VICIOUS DOG'S BOTTOM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Woman stuck finger up vicious dog's bottom to stop attack on her pet Jack Russell

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

THINK WHAT HIS JOCKSTRAP WOULD COMMAND

Yankees SS Derek Jeter's Game-Used Sock Going for $409

(Thanks to Larry Martell)

ALL THE ELEMENTS OF A CLASSIC

SyFy’s ‘Lavalantula’ Is A Movie About Fire-Breathing Spiders Starring The Cast Of ‘Police Academy’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS LEFT

Man arrested after trying to pet moose, fighting with officer

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

HOME DECOR CONCEPT OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Dutchman fought to keep amputated leg, made a lamp

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

YIKES

Deputies: Woman assaulted boyfriend, smeared fake blood on herself

Johne-jpg

You know the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FRONTIERS OF SCIENCE

New mushroom species discovered in London grocery store

(Thanks to The Perts)

OLD SCHOOL

Man caught on surveillance smashing SunTrust Bank ATM with hatchet

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SPIRITUAL

Two Cambodian Buddhist monks have been arrested in the popular tourist city of Siem Reap for smoking crystal methamphetamine along with two women in their pagoda.

(Thanks to Tex)

WE ARE OF COURSE WITH THE CHICKENS

Chickens vs. Squirrel

(Thanks to Moe Money)

September 22, 2014

FOLLOWED BY STUNNED SILENCE FROM THE ANCHORETTE

Alaska TV Reporter Quits on Air: ‘F**k It, I Quit’

Advisory: F-bomb.

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Jennifer Folstad and Richard)

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS THE STATE

A woman has spent $20,000 on surgery to get a third breast and her dream is to become a celebrity.

(Thanks to Larry Martell, Allen at Division, coscolo, Roberto and Spotsie)

'...ATHLETES HELPED MARCH THE BUN DOWN A MAIN THOROUGHFARE, MAKING A WIDE TURN INTO A PARKING LOT...'

Residents in the southwest Illinois city of Belleville celebrated its 200th birthday with a 200-foot bratwurst, complete with a 200-foot bun.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

OOPS

A confectionery company is dealing with a sticky situation after penis-shaped gummy lollies made their way into some of its packs, costing the company thousands of dollars in recalls.

(Thanks to Joe Hicks)

THE DAILY BUSINESS REPORT

Traders see goat price going up this Dashain

This has been the Daily Business Report.

(Thanks to Monique)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Italian army to grow medical marijuana

(Thanks to Rich Steurer)

Related: Peyton Manning says legalized pot has been good for his pizza business

(Thanks to Steve K)

September 21, 2014

WHEN THEY HATCH, THEY WILL ALL PRODUCE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Surfers and early morning walkers were stunned to find thousands of 'alien eggs' on a Sydney beach this weekend.

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THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Ninja sister wives busted in violent Utah burglary

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "They opened for the Osmonds.")

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO RAMPAGE ABOUT THE CABIN

A Sydney-bound Qantas flight has been diverted because of a drunk passenger who allegedly broke through all four sets of plastic handcuffs on the flight after repeated attempts to steal whisky.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP IS HEROIN

California boy gets detention for sharing school-prepared lunch with another student

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man who hid fake moustache under water valve waits five months to finish terrible pun

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

 
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