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June 09, 2014

24

Here is where we stand:

Jack Bauer is clearly head-over-heels in love with scorching renegade CIA agent Kate Morgan, as evidenced by the fact that he took her unconscious in a car trunk to turn her over to an arms dealer as a sort of a hostess gift. This is Jack’s idea of a date.

Speaking of arms: Kate wound up being suspended by hers backward from the ceiling, in which position she was slashed with a knife and about to get literally drilled with a literal drill, leaving her no choice but to apply the Thighs of Doom to a henchperson and then finish him off by stabbing him behind her back. This woman truly is Jack’s soulmate, which probably means she is roadkill.

Speaking of which: Simone is not having a good day. After having to stab her fake boyfriend to death in the ear, THEN having her finger chiseled off by her Evil Drone Mom’s henchpersons, THEN seeing her mom execute her husband, she gets sent by her mom to kill her sister-in-law. She decides to defy her mom’s orders and warn her sister in-law-to-flee, but somehow – It’s just that kind of day! – Simone manages to stab her sister-in-law to death anyway. THEN she chases after her niece and gets hit by a double-decker bus. It’s a miracle that, while she was lying in the street, an Acme brand safe did not land on her.

Meanwhile Jack is still after Evil Drone Mom, and the Brits have temporarily taken over for the CIA in the role of Idiots Getting Everything Wrong And Trying To Stop Jack. Jack is also being pursued by the Russians. President William Devane is still going senile. Edgar is still dead.

Finally, those of you who had Steve Navarro in the Mole Pool: Congrats!

Mrs. Blog leaves tonight for Brazil, where she will be covering the World Cup; unfortunately as a result I won't be providing updates on tonight's episode. But I'm sure you folks will provide your usual trenchant commentary in the comments. And as always, be sure to stay tuned in the comments afterward for The Amazing Steve being amazing. 

UPDATE: I'm checking in without knowing what is going on, because I'm not near a TV. I'm just hoping that (a) SOMETHING is going on, and (b) it does not involve Audrey.

UPDATE: Also, go Heat.

UPDATE AFTER I FINALLY SAW IT: Whoa. Awesome dronage.

Comments

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...So who was it last week's "24" comment thread, that pointed out Kate cries less under torture than Audrey does when she's having a good day?

Because that's the quote of the season, right there.

Dave, wish Mrs. Blog bon voyage for us.

At the hockey game, someone commented that one of the players already has a cup under his belt.

Maybe this is the week Terror Mom kills Audrey?

No Dave tonight? Again? :( Now I'm almost hoping it's another bad/wooden episode so he doesn't miss a good one live!

Evening, everyone. I'm just here for the beer. Carry on...carry on...

I'll second that, THG!

Jack looked shocked when he ran into Auwdrey, maybe
he released Kate and he have more in common....

He sure knows how to sweep an agent off her feet into his trunk...

And here I figured with the Heat off tonight Dave would be here.

"I'm horribly embarrassed."

You'll never hear that on 24.

Evening, all. New blogit here. javaguzzler

*drinks*

OK - ready to go.

Viewer Discretion is Advised!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

(To "Kiss the Girl" from "The Little Mermaid")

There Jack sees her
Lying there across the street
She's don't got a lot to say
'cos there's something about her
Just hit by a bus
While she's oozing of pus
They wanna kill the girl

(To Jack)
Yes, you need her
Look at her, you know you do
Possibly she can tell you
There's one way to stop Mom
She can't speak a word
Not a single word
And they wanna kill the girl

Sha la la la la la
Jack, oh, Jack!
Just while you got her back
Now they can't kill the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't they sad?
They got not aim?
Too bad, they're gonna miss the girl

(To audience)
Now's their moment
Jack just went to the bathroom
Man, they better cause her doom
No time for much better
She won't say a word
'cos her brain is bean curd
But they must kill the girl

(To Jack)
Sha la la la la la
Jack, oh, Jack!
Just while you got her back
Now they can't kill the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't they sad?
They got not aim?
Too bad, they're gonna miss the girl

(To Mom's henchmen)
Sha la la la la la
Don't prolong
Gonna be your swan song
The Mom says kill the girl
Sha la la la la
You are Jack's prey
Are you sure you wanna slay?
You got to kill the girl.
You've got to kill the girl.
Don't wanna kill the girl?
You've gotta kill the girl!
Go on and kill the girl!

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ doesn't like singing crabs tellin' people what they gotta do!") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ only likes the crabs that you can eat!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "24" intro was brought to you by "Ariel's Thingamabobs and Whatchacallits". If you know vaguely what you want, she can quickly find what it isn't!

Yeah yeah yeah, enough with the intro, get on with the shooting...

I am here! Ready for some drones!

Welcome, Javaguzzler.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

I've been advised, but I decline the discretion!

High ^s Gennita.

Hi, all! I'm present and accounted for. Ok, I'm present.

Most dramatic Enter key press ever...

The recap is on. Kate Morgan is hot. Jack is indestructable.

Hi, everybody, hope you have a drink ready!

Has Prime Minister Jeeves been apprised of the double-deckering?

simone looks like a lego person

Tonight on Masterpiece Theatre's "Prime Suspect"...oh, wait.

This ain't nothing like Sherlock...

AND
STEPHEN FRY

Simone got hit by a double decker London bus and she's still alive?

A woman after Jack's own heart.

*uck your protocols, Limey.

From WHOM, Jack.

Protocols? We don't need no stinkin' protocols...

Jack can speak in subtitles!!!

There are still protocols!

(and CCTV everywhere)

I don't give a damn about your protocols. They've been heartbleeded anyway.

"Are you all right?"

"Oh yeah, just a little shock. I'll be fine, just like you."

Oh no! It's the cops!

Chloe has got to go.

Jack never gets to go iykwim.

I was hoping they'd take Finger McTerrordaughter to St. Elmo's hospital, but...

Picking your ears, President Heller? Really?

No way to trace it back to its source.

Chloe's computer now has AI. It tells her when to leave, Frankly, seems like a steal from "Person of Interest".

it's a Double-dog-decker-dare!

A direct cell phone to the POTUS, yay! Only Jack!

"I have no authority here." When has that EVER stopped Jack?

I'm gonna need full access to her.

*heh heh - we know what that means*

PM Jeeves is back for more tea!

Jeeves has arrived. I hope he can get blood out of clothes ...

Hey chubs, go wake Bertie Wooster.

A yelling match in different accents! Yay!

Prime Minister Mycroft finally shows some spine. Too bad he doesn't have brains to go with it...

Uh oh, the President's upset. Meh, he'll forget about why in a few minutes.

When did "surveilling" supplant "surveying" as a verb?

PS - Howdy, y'all! Tropic, lovely intro.

"No one is sitting idly by. We're working our asses off." Right!

Prime Minister Fry: I consider you a freind. But..
are you holding something back...

President Heller: No. What were we talking about?

If I thought for one moment that...that...what were we talking about again?

Just because you think you're fine doesn't mean you're really fine, Mr. President.

Teh feelz. PM Chin haz dem.

So, Terrorist Mom with 6 drones is going to be worse than the Blitz? Whatever happened to good old-fashioned British resolve?

Where'd that finger go???

Java, well, the CIA are* asses.

Uh oh, Mom is on the phone. She knows about the bus.

Oooo, that bus is in SO much trouble.

Uh oh, dummy ambulance guy just told Terror Mom.

Oops. Mommy knows where Simone is now. Oh, well - bye-bye, Simone!

he's gonna kaReem her

My intro called it!

For the last time, it's not "Kareem"....it's ROGER MURDOCK!!!

Welcome Javaguzzler! Gennita I have my drink ready. Light beer is a drink isn't it? I wonder if the paramedics or doctors will realize Simone is one finger short of a full set?

"Who she is" that was BREAD 1971 ?

The Arts & Entertainment Dept at St Teddy's! They'll get her punched right up!

So who thinks Terror Mom will actually NOT kill her own daughter? Anyone? Bueller?

Kareem is nearby? I thought he'd be watching the NBA finals.

(Thanks, Diva :) )

cindy, love, light beer is a drink by virtue of being liquid, but otherwise....

During the commercial Break, I'm reminding you that Heller will become Evil Manilow's..I mean Evil Mom's
Boy Toy, because he will foirget why he shouldn't.

Diva I kind of hope that Simone does some damage to Psycho Mommy.

Heller 1, Davies 0.

DRAGON 2 or Victoria's Secret. Little boys are now watching.....

I'm already feeling pretty trenchant! How's errbody else?

I don't think Karim wants to tangle with Jack.

Victoria's Secret sale! YAY! THIS SEASON IS COMPLETE!

It looks like my female cockatiel, Pebbles, has laid another egg.

She's got a clutch of three eggs now; I suppose Pebbles is trying to keep up with the plot.

Chicken Fat! That's from ~ 62!

I think computer nerd is going to get it. Too obvious?

Gavin is creepy. Much more creepy than Rooster Teeth Gavin.

The mole has moles, and no doubt squirrels enlisted, too.

Okay, that's Moriarty...so where's Sherlock? Bring on the Cumberbitches!!!

uh oh !

Another mole (sort of)!!!

Choe's beau is a....I can't say it.

Anything else?
No. I'm just realllllly constipated.

Oh, no! A mole's mole!

Double Moley-Mole!

Oooo, plot twist time! Hacker isn't just a hacker!

I agree Glow. Are they in the British version of Starbucks?

Geek on a cracker.

Time to bury someone in the wall again?

Chloe's boyfriend is not a good guy.

Cumberbitches?!

And the rest of the episode features Jack trying to find his way around the hospital.

That's a CTU scan to you, Doc.

Dr Jack's tough medicine.

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