Here is where we stand:
A terrorist group headed by a scary mom with an ear-stabbing daughter has gained control of a Secret Device that enables them to control U.S. drones. Jack and Chloe are trying to stop the terrorists, but they’re being impeded by the CIA, which is of course run by morons who have everything wrong, although in their defense one of them is hot.
Elsewhere in the plot, President William Devane is planning to address Parliament, which worries his daughter Audrey and her husband Mark because President Devane is showing signs of dementia (as if that ever disqualified anybody from being president).
Edgar is still dead.
We will attempt to follow all of these storylines and provide updates below. If you prefer coherent prose, stay tuned in the comments at the end of 24 for the traditional amazing recap by The Amazing Steve. Go Heat.
UPDATE: Wouldn't it be great if, at the end of the new Godzilla movie, Godzilla removed his head, and underneath was a Japanese actor?
UPDATE: This LeBron James fellow is a fine athlete.
UPDATE: I would have loved to see Jack shoot that toilet.
UPDATE: The DEVICE.
UPDATE: Jack Bauer does not mind the freaking gap.
UPDATE: Ear Stab Girl is RUTHLESS. She has NO RUTH AT ALL.
UPDATE: I have no idea what Jack and Chloe are talking about.
UPDATE: Oooooh. Morris was Chloe's weird husband. And now he sleeps with Edgar.
UPDATE: Heat 56, Newts 49.
UPDATE: They're going to backchannel the MP's. Heh.
UPDATE: When Audrey and her douchebag husband kiss... Ew.
UPDATE: Douchebag H. is a FORGER.
UPDATE: Scary Mom and Ear Stab Girl seem like a LOT of fun.
UPDATE: A non-standard hardware bus! Don't you just HATE that?
UPDATE: Do you think there's any chance that Scary Mom and Ear Stab Girl's husband have been... Nah.
UPDATE: The video Jay Z and Beyonce don't want you to see. TONIGHT AT TEN!
UPDATE: Hacker kids all wear wool watch caps. ALL OF THEM.
UPDATE: Kate is a badass.
UPDATE: Heat 65, Newts 61.
UPDATE: Nothing more heartwarming than a mom sewing up her daughter's self-inflicted thigh wound.
UPDATE: "What are we not seeing?" You're not seeing that YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS.
UPDATE: I think President Devane should appear before Parliament in his bathrobe.
UPDATE: I still don't get why it's such a big deal to have a treaty with the British.
UPDATE: Jack is the only person in England wearing sunglasses. That's why they can't find him.
UPDATE: Ear Stab Girl's husband is having Second Thoughts. This will not work out well for him.
UPDATE: Scary Mom is watching! Not TOO creepy!
UPDATE: That chin has to affect the tides.
UPDATE: I am really hoping the first drone hits Audrey and her douchebag husband.
UPDATE: I think President Devane's coolest move at this point would be to make weewee in his trousers.
UPDATE: THIGH SHOT!!!
UPDATE: Maybe a knee. Close enough.
UPDATE: Victoria's Secret has some important new products.
UPDATE: Next week: More shooting
UPDATE: Heat 79, Newts 76, but the Newts are shooting three.
UPDATE: Take it, The Amazing Steve.