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March 20, 2014


Nice big happy crowd last night at the Louisville Public Library. Thanks to everybody who came to that event, and all the other events dating back to when this book tour started during the French and Indian War. I'm heading home to Miami today and will resume regular blogging tomorrow. If "regular" is the word I am looking for.


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Why are you awake at 0645? Not enough Kentucky Bourbon last night?

I have a flight at 0745. There is no God.

Is there booze on the flight? The sun's over the yardarm somewhere.

And I bet Judi has more to do with your flight scheduling than God does.

There is booze on the flight, but it's reserved for the pilot.

Well, at least you're not going someplace with weird animals that eat anything that moves.

If you want to interrupt the safety training by asking "Are we going to fly over water at any point in this trip?" you might be able to meet some new and exciting people.

"There is no God."

From Dave's next book - "You Can Bait Goys When You're 40."

Dave, all we blog-guys ask is that from now on you curtail your strumpeting during St. Patrick's week. One word: kilts. Thank you for your kind consideration.

You're heading to Miami, Dave. Don't forget to carry a live chicken.

welcome home, dave - betcha were homesick for
'The 101 Most Insane Things That Have Ever Happened In Florida'

They're the most Flori-duh crimes of the year
Many people were yelling
And everyone telling you "We need more Beer!"
They're the least organized crimes on the sphere

They're the slaphappiest people of all
With those couples a-cheating & drug-induced beatings
Freak 911 calls!!
They're the sap-crappiest people of all

There was much drunk confusion
And gender delusions
A naked man begged 'Tase me, bro!'
There was animal fighting -
(the people were biting!)
And all kinds of food they did throw

They're the most Flori-duh crimes of the year
There was Much genitalia
(- 'your brains - did they fail ya?!
in court you'll appear!')

They're the most Flori-duh criiiiimes
(they keep happening time after time ...)
They're the zombiest, funkiest,
driving most drunk-iest
crack smokin' bongiest
'He's got a GUN'! derful
'CALL 9-1-1'! derful
of the year !

Flew into Miami Beach BOAC, Didn't get to bed last night...

Welcome back from book signing Dave

Standing ovation for ligirl!

I think it's time for ligirl to put out an album and go on tour.

I thought I saw her open up for Weird Al a few years back. She outdid even him.

Now Layzeeboy. Judi really didn't post many pictures like this. Or many like this either. WTG ligirl!

Of course there's a God, Dave. He just doesn't like you.

Also, "regular" is the word you are looking for if you are likening strumpeting to pooping, which I would not put past you.


It has been a long nightmare....

No, not the strump tour, the endless news articles speculating about MH370.

We welcome the blog back for some much needed relief
(and rest)!!!!

I'm glad you'll be blogging again because judi didn't post any of my submissions. I think she should be fired.

I think "characteristic" is the word you seek.

We look forward to it! Or backward, maybe.

Aside from the "until you're forty" restriction, I am wondering how Dave feels about Sophie's dating candidate pool being Floridian.

(And, major props to ligirl.)

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