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February 20, 2014



Just kidding! Sort of.


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That IS a pretty menacing pose, Dave.

Bill Engvall quote...to young man about to take his daughter on a date: "Son, if you hurt my daughter, I have absolutely no problem with going back to prison."

Just wait. It gets worse.

Some work should be handled by professionals, though.

Any word on what Sophie thinks about this shirt?

And it's blue! :)

Cindy -- Sophie took the picture.


Land of "Stand Your Ground."


You will make millions selling these on Etsy, Dave. And then you'll go to jail for terroristic threats.

I saw one the other day that said "WHAT YOU DO TO HER I'M GONNA DO TO YOU"

Sophie should bring home a Neanderthal and say "This is my fiancee -- his name is Moose" just to see what happens.

Almost as good as the T-shirt that reads:
"Daddy's Little Angel is my Little Whore"

Let me know off the list if you ever need an alibi or if a device needs to disappear without a trace or questions.

Geez, who is the old guy in the photo? Must be Dave's father!

Jack Bauer - eat your heart out! ;)

And the little label in back reads " Wash in cold water and drip dry, or else this shirt will shrink so much, Barbie will be horrified when she sees Ken wearing it. "

I believe the original was, "All you have to do is shoot her first boyfriend, and word will spread."

Y'all are jealous - Dave looks fabulous.

As a writer-dad, Dave doesn't need a gun. He could make the young men suffer, skewering them with words, pan frying them over hot zingers, sauteed in sarcasm and well-done in wit. Their pain would live on forever in his column, and the snarky shame would follow them the rest of their days.

So, when's prom night?

Boys are evil.

So get a BIG gun.

And start shooting at them now.

They will keep coming like Zombies.

And then Sophie will marry one.

You can stop shooting then.

Except for the occasional warning shot to remind him that he needs to be VERY NICE to your little girl.

When my daughter started dating I would tell her boyfriends about my latest trauma case in the emergency room and how much I enjoyed seeing things like that. Worked like a charm.

My best line was to my daughter after she said a boy was scared of me. Which he needed to be.
I said, "You tell that boy that I don't know him and have no reason to care if he lives or dies. And he needs to think about that."
Never saw that kid again for some reason.

Problem with wearing that shirt in Florida is that if someone shoots you he can claim he was scared for his life and they'll let him go.

Nevertheless, I'm going to show this to my daughters and see what they say.

Scott - I wouldn't worry - in order to be scared, they'd have to be literate...

That is really a very nice picture of you with your blue t-shirt. I can understand your concern these days also you're older than most parents with a dsughter Sophie's age so that is filtered in a bit with your worry and concern. Don't forget to use some humor. Things will come out alright.

I bet Sophie bought it for you just to scare off the losers.

Yeah, Dave. Don't forget to use some humor.

Dave doesn't need to worry about creeps trying abuse his daughter. He needs to worry about sycophants using his daughter to suck up to him b

I have a 14 year old going on 20, anywhere we go all the heads snap around (moms are the worst by the way)....I try to maintain an air of "slightly sociopathic" tendencies whenever I am out in public or around my daughter's friends..to scare them a little...doesn't work, my daughter said all her friends think I'm a teddy bear...I may grow a long beard and start to drool a little...any suggestions?

I have a gun and a shovel and no one will miss you.

I have no daughters but have sons and have explained to them that they should calmly explain to anyone who messes with them that I am too old to care about going to prison for murder.

Oh hell yea. You didn't think I moved my family – including three daughters – from Oregon to the Virgin Islands to New Orleans cuz I like cardboard boxes, did you? Crossing borders confuses jurisdictions.

Dave, On my honeymoon, I bought my dad a money-dyed green shirt that says "Bank of Dad." That may still be one of his favorites! (Weddings apparently cost money.)

I know of two different fathers who always bring out their guns (this is in Texas!) and start cleaning and oiling them when a young man comes to pick up their daughter for the first time.


I know some guys in Jersey that will do anything for $25.00 and a case of beer.

Let me know.

One wonders if Rob's wife's father had a shirt like this.

- and STAY OFF MY LAWN ! ! !

"I know some guys in Jersey that will do anything for $25.00 and a case of beer.

Let me know."

Are they good painters?

My son the federal agent always arranged to be cleaning his riot gun in the living room when he met daughter's new boyfriends...

My dad never had to say anything. Our pro-NRA bumper stickers, his raised eyebrow, and several hundred acres of forest behind our house were enough.

Why? So the dads can keep the daughters to themselves? Creepy.

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you."

Best darn quote, ever.

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