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January 21, 2014


Man Sues Close Up Toothpaste After He Failed To Seduce Women

Key Quote: “Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my breath."

(Thanks to Ralph)


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Hmmmm. Since he did everything right, it seems like the women are legally obligated to date him, so he should sue them.

Oh Lord I hope he doesn't get the same spam emails that I get, specifically the ones which want to help my (nonexistent) "manhood".

I gotta keep up with this case to get some pointers for my case against Axe.

Follow the instructions. If you don't hide the hamburger patties in your armpits, it doesn't work.

My brother was very disappointed when he found that Sugar Jets cereal (1950s) would not make him fly like on the commercials; but then, he was only four years old.

They still make Close-Up? Wasn't that the bright red toothpaste back in the '70s?

Does that toothpaste make you sound like an Indian? NTTIAWWT

I hate to say this, but I think the Blog has been, as they say, "Onioned."

To quote the Magliozi Brothers, "B-o-o-ogus."

I'll have you know, ken in sc, that I could definitely run faster after drinking Ovaltine as a child. By the time I got to the track team in high school, though, it didn't work any more.

Ms. Flukey, I find those frustrating too. At least they could send me ads that were designed for my gender.

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