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January 11, 2014


A 26-year-old Portland pimp has filed a $100 million lawsuit against Nike, claiming the shoe manufacturer is partially responsible for a brutal beating that helped net him a 100-year prison sentence. Sirgiorgiro Clardy claims Nike should have placed a label in his Jordan shoes warning consumers that they could be used as a dangerous weapon.

(Thanks to Ryan Jentzsch and Jeff Meyerson)


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If he'd have been wearing them, instead of pimp boots, he might have gotten away.

Fer sure, I'm applying for my concealed tennys license.

He's not suing Mr. Jordan himself?

And people think Portlandia is just a TV show.

Airhead Jordan
While he's in court, the IRS should talk to him about his source of income.

What, they didn't try rehabilitation? Outrageous. And I here we thought Portland was such a progressive place.

Do the shoes include a disclaimer saying they do not
guarantee the accuracy of shoes throw at politicos?

Because they should....

Nike officials, when asked for comment, couldn't stop
laughing. In fact, they were rolling on the floor.

My previous comment was out of context. Because I hold no sympathy for the pimp, I hope he runs into
a snarky judge, tougher and meaner by far than TV's
"Judge Judy." Of course, this wilkl probaby end up on
Springer or maybe even Dr. Phil....

New street term: to 'shoe-slap' somebody.

Sure, these get a warning sticker, but porcelain squirrels get a pass while they are still hurting almost a plural number of people!

...and hand guns need labels saying they're unsuitable for footwear.

It's hard out there for a pimp

Sirgiorgiro Clardy-
That's not a name, that's an eyechart

He's just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

After all, he's the sole provider....

Sirgiorgiro Clardy can be rearranged to spell "Rigid or Rosy Garlic" as well as "Sorry, Ciao Grid Girl."

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