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October 10, 2013

SUBURBANITES PRETENDING TO BE FARMERS: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

"I know my client assumed threshing would be perfectly safe," said Mark Robertson, attorney for Karl Frankenheimer, a Massachusetts man who suffered several puncture wounds at Apple Time Farms in Wakefield, N.H., when he stuck his buttocks into the thresher "as a gag."

(Thanks to Samuel Sprague)

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Darwin Award Candidate.

Brilliant!

"It's actually kind of amazing what affluent suburbanites will pay to do," said Tom Halverston of the National Farmers Union. "The irony is, we were getting to the point where we couldn't even get illegal Mexicans to do this stuff."

Love this.

... guess the joke was on (in) him!

agree - so close to a darwin!

And how many fine Halloween-themed movies have shown terrified (but sexually satisfied) teens running through a field, chased by a thresher?
Teens who have never thought about simply stepping off to the side of a machine that does not turn on a dime?

Dave wrote a song about this!! "Oh Loretta, you shouldn't have stood so close to the threshing machine." - This is a paraphrase, but very close: I can't remember which book it's in. :)

"It's not like we're not careful - there's a sign right there," he added, motioning to a hand-painted notice reading Warning: Thresher Sharp!"


perhaps a sign reading 'May cause Violent Testicle Assault' would work better

So my mind was filled with wonder
when the evening headlines read
Richard Corey went home last night
And stuck his buttocks in a thresher.

nice omni -

'and his buttocks he did shred'

Didn't Shredded Buttock open for Cream?

"CAP News (cap-news.com) has been called 'far and away the funniest news satire site on the Internet' by at least three anonymous sources."

They appear to have a low threshold for humor.

That sign (Warning: Thresher Sharp) gave me an idea for SyFy's next movie - "Thresher Shark!"
I can see it now; vast wheat fields rippling in the breeze, an unsuspecting farmer tending his crop, not seeing the distinctive tailfin of the thresher shark until the amber waves of grain turn red with blood. And the authorities refuse to believe the brilliant but unorthodox scientist (I'm thinking Traci Lords to play her) who tries to warn everyone that the sharks have evolved the ability to swim through a carbohydrate-rich environment.
"This was no tractor accident!)

God beat you to it. Thresher shark

Never meant to take credit for creating the beastie, only for unleashing it on porn stars turned d-list actors for entertainment purposes.

"Hey, you're not checked out on that thing, are ya?"

Stuck Buttocks-good name for rock band, no?

Steve - actually, most "thresher machines" WILL "turn on a dime" ... or at most within a radius smaller than their effective and utile width ... call it a quarter, and if y'all survive the chase, y'all can keep the 15 cents change ...

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