INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA
UPDATE: Well, it turns out that, tragically, this did not happen at ALL. This is what I get for posting stuff to the blog from the Dayton, Ohio, airport without enough caffeine in my body.
Rest assured that judi will be fired if I ever get back to Miami by air, which seems increasingly unlikely.
“After the vehicle pulled over, we approached it and found that the driver was not only drinking a can of beer, but that he was not wearing any pants and that he had urinated on himself.”
...“There were also two female passengers in the back seat,” stated Lt. Sullivan. “One of the females was asleep, partially clad. The other was extremely hysterical. At that time, we believed that she might have been under the influence of PCP, due to the fact that she claimed there were mice biting at her and climbing on her.”
...After members of the Canton Rescue Squad cut the roof off the vehicle, and with the help of a crane supplied by Shaugnessy Crane, the women were lifted out of the car. Police estimate the weight of each woman was between 300 and 450 pounds.
(Thanks to that space guy)