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October 18, 2013

INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

UPDATE: Well, it turns out that, tragically, this did not happen at ALL. This is what I get for posting stuff to the blog from the Dayton, Ohio, airport without enough caffeine in my body.

Rest assured that judi will be fired if I ever get back to Miami by air, which seems increasingly unlikely.

“After the vehicle pulled over, we approached it and found that the driver was not only drinking a can of beer, but that he was not wearing any pants and that he had urinated on himself.

...“There were also two female passengers in the back seat,” stated Lt. Sullivan. “One of the females was asleep, partially clad. The other was extremely hysterical. At that time, we believed that she might have been under the influence of PCP, due to the fact that she claimed there were mice biting at her and climbing on her.”

...After members of the Canton Rescue Squad cut the roof off the vehicle, and with the help of a crane supplied by Shaugnessy Crane, the women were lifted out of the car. Police estimate the weight of each woman was between 300 and 450 pounds.

(Thanks to that space guy)

 

Comments

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And were there? I mean, mice biting and climbing on her.

Because of the size of the two women, police were unable to pull the women out of the rear doors of the vehicle.

hen how did they get them in the car?

The potential for classic comments on this one is virtually unlimited.

Menage a trois.

Has to be one of the funniest articles ever. Golden Dong restaurant...

Ladies, he is a former male model....makes you wonder what he modeled.

He modeled for the Golden Dong?

'Jimmy Chan, owner of Golden Dong China Restaurant claims that he assaulted an employee and caused damages to his establishment.

“He drink all morning,” said Chan. “He get crazy. I tell him no more beer for you and he throw Pu-Pu platter at waitress.


sum ting wong in golden dong
hu flung poo? No beer for you!

After further review, I'm thinking the "Daily Cricket" is a spinoff of The Onion.

Very colorful.

Old Phil,

Really? When I saw the caption, "former male model", my first thought was "Bonjour!" =^D

This is exactly what happened on my first geology field trip.

I want to see the movie.

Sounds like a scene from a Cohen Brothers film, doesn't it, JSG?

The comments at the site are almost as funny as the story itself.

Per the almighty Internets, there is no Golden Dong Chinese Restaurant in Massachusetts.

I'm calling this one. It's too tightly wrapped up; even to the Chinese restaurant owner being a stereotype.
However, if it's real, boy howdy.

Anybody else notice the date as well? 2008 on the hyperlink.

So we're ringing the golden dong on this story?

Furthermore, if you look below the headline to the line labeled "Filed Under," and look to the right. One of the story tags is "satire."

Dumb, da, dumb, dumb.

yes, cheesewiz - also: 'dog sex'

Exactly!

The photos of the editorial staff brought back my mental images of this blog's denizens. That is, the image I use so I fit in.

Whoever said "onion" was on the mark: http://thedailycricket.net/2012/01/16/michelle-obama-the-next-one-who-calls-me-an-angry-black-woman-is-going-to-get-their-ass-kicked/. Don't know how to do link stuff. If this doesn't work, I will just note that this story includes an episode in which Mrs. Obama grabbed a pistol from a Secret Service agent and "knee-capped" an interior designer during a disagreement over window treatments.

It sounds plausible to me. We're talking Washington, D.C., right...?

Just too good to be true.

<a href='http://www.example.com/rest/of/link.html'>Link text</a>

Questions in my mind:

The Pu-pu platter at the Golden Dong?
How did he p*** himself without wearing pants?

Dayton? Just drive out to Wright-Patterson and see if the Air Force can give you a lift.

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