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August 28, 2013

'IN THE GROCERY OUTLET PARKING LOT'

Road Rage Leads to Man Mooning Driver in Chehalis

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BARROW COUNTY WOMEN:

Do not mess with them.

Key Names: Tammi Jo Pirkle; Chicken Lyle Road.

(Thanks to Kristi Reed)

THOSE WACKY JAPANESE! (BY 'WACKY,' WE MEAN 'SADISTIC.')

Terrified Japanese office worker chased by 'dinosaur' in bonkers game show stunt

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITMENT

Mysterious American swallows Yukon bar’s last human toe, pays $500 fine

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, The Perts, Jan in Grimsby, Chuck Cody, Mark Buckley and Ross Holley)

WHY ARE CIVILIANS EVEN ALLOWED TO POSSESS IT?

Victim bludgeoned with tub of imitation butter

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Jeff Meyerson)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Portland plans ‘Louie Louie Day’ Oct. 5

(Thanks to Vickie Gray)

UNFORUNATELY, IT WAS THE WRONG KIND

Fox crawls into bed with London man

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE DOG WAS ALSO NAKED, BUT IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Maitland police Tase naked man walking dog

(Thanks to JD)

August 27, 2013

CSI: GREELEY

Greeley downtown fork sculpture missing its noodles

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

IF NOT, THEY WILL RECEIVE FLORIDA LICENSES

Jersey pensioners get letter asking if they still exist

(Thanks to Ron G.)

GUYS IN ACTION, II

A Connecticut man, attempting to confront a raccoon, accidentally shot himself in the leg while sneezing, police said.

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Man arrested for stealing 200 bicycle seats for their 'scent of a woman'

(Thanks to Ted G.)

BRILLIANT

The self-styled Chinese "ghostbuster" has been arrested after trying to conduct an exorcism with his penis.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ron G.)

CRIME DOES NOT PAY

Miami-Dade jail woes continue: inmate claims rat bit him in testicle

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Blue Jays Pull Wang

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

MOST GUYS HAVE A FEW OF THOSE

Bo claims to wear 50-year-old underwear at trial

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THEY CAN TRY, DARN IT

Can strippers save Atlantic City?

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WILL COME IN HANDY

The report didn't state why Alsaint apparently kept a stash of urine and poop in his apartment. It also didn't state whether the waste was animal or human.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who challenges you to guess the state)

HE PLUNGED INTO A FIELD OF SUNFLOWERS, AND WAS 'BADLY SCRATCHED BY THE VEGETATION'

Seville police were involved in a "high-speed" chase after a stark-naked, drunk moped rider ignored the officers' order to stop.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan, who notes that the rider was released after producing a valid Florida license)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man blows up house inflating air mattress

(Thanks to Ron G.)

WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Police shoot, kill giant chicken-menacing lizard

(Thanks to Guin, who saw Giant Chicken-Menacing Lizard open for Whitesnake) (Also thanks to Monique)

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHAT APPARENTLY WAS INVOLVED

Is there a problem, officer?

130826_Worcester_crash

(Thanks to JD)

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Thai authorities are cracking down on vendors in Bangkok's main backpacker district selling cheap doses of balloons filled with nitrous oxide, or laughing gas, to tourists.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

August 26, 2013

NAME THAT STATE!

Shirtless Clown Pulls Down Man’s Pants After Chicken Wing-Eating Contest, Gets Punched in the Face

(Thanks to Spotsie)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE SITUATION IN FLATHEAD COUNTY COULD NOT GET ANY MORE DIRE

8:00 a.m. Someone called in claiming to have watched numerous cows “jog” over the top of a dead cow.

Also:

12:48 p.m. A woman on Conrad Drive reported that someone had wrapped a dead snake around her doorknob. Although the woman wanted it unwrapped and removed, the snake was gone when an animal warden arrived.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

COLLECTORS ARE PAYING TOP DONG

Vietnam has Leech Fever.

(Thanks to Daniel Ray)

WOULDN'T IT MAKE MORE SENSE TO KILL THE CAT?

Deputies: man threatens to kill wife over dirty cat litter

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who defies you to guess the state.)

NAME THAT COUNTY!

9:17 a.m. A Lakeside man reported that his trampoline was damaged by a low-flying helicopter.

(Thanks to funny man)

NOT UNTIL WE'VE HAD A FEW MORE BEERS

Will we ever want to have sex with robots?

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using deer.

(Thanks to Ron G.)

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

Giant tarantula the size of man’s hand ‘on the loose in Torquay’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that France is on Even Higher Alert.)

WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT THE POINT WAS, BUT WE TOTALLY SUPPORT THIS JOURNALIST

Lori Welbourne, Topless Reporter, Surprises Kelowna's Mayor To Prove A Point About Equality (VIDEO)

Tragically, the video is SFW.

(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)

THE NEWS FROM DOWN UNDER

Daughter of New Zealand Prime Minister in bizarre erotic photoshoot posing with an octopus and Big Macs

Advisory: Possibly NSFW.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

August 25, 2013

SNACK OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Yum.

(Thanks to funny man)

WE HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

One million cockroaches escape Chinese farm

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Joe in Japan)

WE'RE SURE HE HAS HIS REASONS

Town police have responded to Paterson Plank Road on a report of a man using a long whip to whip cars but they have not yet found the person, officials said.

(Thanks to Ralph)

August 24, 2013

MORONIC FAD ALERT

Now: Freezer diving.

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE IS NOW LEADING THE NYC MAYORAL RACE

RI police arrest man found naked and covered in Crisco

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION

The Hidden Beauty of the Horse Dung Fungus

(Thanks to RussellMc)

MINNEAPOLIS DINING REPORT

81 Sickened By Guinea Pig Meat At Ecuadorian Fest

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

WHILE DRIVING IN FLORIDA

An Increasing Number Of Smartphone Owners Are Texting In Their Sleep

(Thanks to Ron G.)

WE DON'T NEED THIS. WE CAN QUIT ANY TIME.

Developed by MIT students Robert R. Morris and Dan McDuff, the "Pavlov Poke" monitors your computer usage and actually delivers a shock to your wrist through the keyboard rest if it finds that you're online too much.

(Thanks to Jon Harris)

WE'RE DOING OUR PART

Sunday is topless protest day

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

LIFELONG FRIENDSHIP RUINED

One of the women, who the court heard was overweight, went to the other's house for a party in 2012. But a trip to the bathroom ended in disaster when she sat on the toilet, and it came away from the wall.   Her friend asked her to pay half of the damages - €479.40 – but she refused. Her friend then took the case to a solicitor.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

Students invent special drink to combat ‘kebab breath’

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

August 23, 2013

JUSTICE

San Francisco, CA — A 52-year-old man accused of smashing a champagne bottle over his 30-year-old coworker’s head after the younger man changed the music from classic Michael Jackson to dubstep has been acquitted of all charges, San Francisco Public Defender Jeff Adachi announced today.

(Thanks to Chris Curvey)

'IT WAS THE PRECURSOR TO THE INTERNET'

The Phillies And Eagles Had A ‘Blue Chest Of Pornography’ Stored In Veterans Stadium

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

THEORETICALLY FREEING HUMANS FOR OTHER TASKS

Methane-Gas-Sniffing Robot Can Theoretically Smell Farts

(Thanks to James in NC)

THEY'D BETTER HURRY UP AND DIG THE WRONG WOMAN UP, THEN

Mother, 50, shows up ALIVE 13 days after her own funeral after the wrong woman is buried in her grave

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

'BRIDGET THE MIDGET'

Helicopter Lands At Salisbury Strip Club To Deliver Tiny Exotic Dancer

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

 
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