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July 02, 2013

CSI: OMAHA

Omaha resident Darrell Moore, 53, is alleged to have walked into a local police station, told them he'd just witnessed a murder, and then masturbated.

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

We considered making a joke involving the phrase "got off on a technicality," but we have too much class.

WAIT... HE CAN'T GET ANY IN MICHIGAN?

Mich. man driving wheelchair to White House for marijuana

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

NAME THAT STATE!

Woman, 62, Jailed On Felony Battery Charge After Kissing Cop On The Nose

Peggyhill1

(Thanks to Ron G. and Omniskeptic)

RELIGION

Police arrest man after fight over seat saving at LDS church

(Thanks to Ron G.)

YOU CAN'T SPELL IT WITHOUT 'DUH'

'Flordia' misspelling makes it to Interstate 95 sign

(Thanks to Ron G. and Chuck Cody)

Dear Dave (and/or JudI),
First time I write to to you. I'm one of your French fans (yes you have French fans - with your permanent jokes on us you only get the good-humored ones. Who read English. Not that many, so).
I thought this would interrest you, as this so incredibly stupid and mysoginistic :
I can't shake the idea that the CEO is maybe the one with "impure thougths"...
-- Juliette Leroux

THEY CAN PROVE THEY WERE AT THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY WHEN IT HAPPENED

Three men have denied an attack on a Norwich street which involved people dressed as Oompa Loompas.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GEORGIA SOCIAL NOTE

Athens man's interest in woman with large buttocks prompts stabbing

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Sewing machine prompts police response

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE BODY ART IS NOT ALREADY WEIRD ENOUGH

Implantable LEDs.

(Thanks to John Gregg, who says, "Used to be, you got lit, then you got the tattoo.")

FORGET ABOUT NEITHER SNOW NOR RAIN

The Royal Mail can be stopped by seagulls or an aggressive raspberry bush.

(Thanks to many people)

DID WOODY ALLEN WRITE THIS?

The clerk told him “the male suspect came into the store and bought a pack of cigarettes. Immediately afterward, he said, ‘this is a stickup,’” according to Rader’s account.

The clerk asked him to repeat himself because she “wasn’t sure if he was serious because another employee who was inside the store after her shift knew the suspect and had said hello to him.”

The suspect, Rader wrote, repeated himself and the clerk “was confused and asked where his gun was, because she would have given up the money because she didn’t want to get shot. The suspect replied that he didn’t have one (a gun) but he knew how to ‘blow the place up.’ (The clerk) locked the cash register, placed a closed register sign up and walked outside.”

Then the suspect went to the Mug Shot Saloon. No, really.

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

THE PHUKET REPORT

22 Phuket schoolkids in mass hysteria outbreak

This has been the Phuket Report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'THE FORBIDDEN LEGEND OF SEX AND CHOPSTICKS'

Man tuned into X-rated film unaware his laptop was hooked up to train station TV

ADVISORY: NSFW.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

 
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