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June 14, 2013

TODAY'S HEALTH UPDATE

For God's sake, stop licking people's eyeballs!
This has been today's Health Update. Also, for the record: EEWWWWWW (Thanks to everyone in the universe.)

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Can someone (Joe?) explain the Japanese to me? Too much time on their hands or what? First it was the panties on the head thing and now this.

I mean, WTFBBQ?

And may I add, "EEWWWWWW."

It's true -- Japan is like a machine that spits out randomly generated bizarre objects.

I guess if you have panties on your head, no one can lick your eye.

Eye eye.

I'm sure it's got something to do with all those monsters constantly stomping on Japan....Godzilla, Mothra, all those guys....I'm not sure WHAT that has to do with it......I think it's just made them looney.

I tried to lick an iris, once. Iris called the cops on me.

More evidence that the teenage brain is unfinished and mostly unable to think clearly until maturity.

Maybe someone said, "Please lick my balls," and the other person thought they said, "Please lick eyeballs," and thus was a fad born.

I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

[squeezing eyes shut and covering ears with hands]

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA

"Oh! Monstah!"

It's a lizard thing.

Geezer alert: Don't it make my brown eyes red.

What happens if the eyes getting licked wear contact lenses?

@ The Minx - blurred vision, I'd imagine.

Popeye?

It may have appeared on a T-Shirt at first, when they put random engrish words on it.

Or maybe some American trying for something else wrote it in Japanese.

Jeff,

Speaking as someone who grew up there, I can explain. They're ... um ....

No, sorry, I guess I can't.

Why can't they do the normal things we did when we were in high school? You know, LSD, mushrooms, bourbon by the quart. All three at once.

I should point out because the reporter is an idiot, that eye-chlamydia is not only a thing, but the leading cause of blindness worldwide. Though this is not normally the way to catch it.

Noble Jeff
Hmmm Explain the Japanese Hmmmm
Well its easy. Those aren't run of the mill Japanese so don't worry. The population of bagel saline wackos and eye lickers is about the same as the US vodka tampon inserters, enema kit recyclers and cinnamon sniffers.
The key word here is outliers.
Most of us over here are just slurping our noodles, riding the commuter trains to work in our blue suits, yelling at our kids to do their homework, soaking in hot springs and happily dabbling around with various cultural pursuits such as samba and bagpipes and fish hammering. Come on over Ill show you.

Fish hammering ? Must take a hammer head shark. Or a ball peen shark....or a......

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