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June 26, 2013

'THIS IS THE TOWN OF THE NEW KIDS'

Boy band turf war: Aaron Carter beaten up by New Kids fans

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE: IT WOULD KICK THE BUTT OF YOUR STATE'S WILDLIFE

An entomologist finds a wasp nest the size of LeBron James.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Lani and DaninTustin)

CSI: SANDUSKY

Woman wants bologna DNA tested

(Thanks to Stever)

SOON TO BE A DISASTER MOVIE

Giraffe!

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES

Cyborg Roaches Drive on Autopilot

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who notes that they all have valid Florida licenses)

THERE IS NO PONG LIKE A GLASTONBURY TOILET PONG

‘Heavy menthol’ sweets to help ease Glastonbury toilet pong

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NAME THAT STATE!

"(Sexual intercourse) him! He is an (anus)!" Blair is quoted as saying.

(Thanks to Scott Cramer)

INDIA BUSINESS REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the India Business Report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

MEANWHILE IN RUGBY

Testicle grabber off the hook

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who says "Testicle" and "hook" should never be used in the same sentence.)

WILDLIFE REPORT

Saudi monkeys urinate into drinking water tanks

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

June 25, 2013

ENGLAND

Banned Cambridge jelly wrestlers replaced with giant bucking penis

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

MEANWHILE IN THE WORSENING AIRBORNE POOP EPIDEMIC

Upset Texas woman throws dog waste at man

South African Residents Fling Feces in Portable Toilet Protest

Feces Falls From The Sky Onto Family’s Backyard

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

Plants Can Do Arithmetic

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie and Horace LaBadie)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

POLICE in Sweden are hunting a man who was caught on camera having sex with a BICYCLE.

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

IN MIAMI, WE CALL THIS 'PARTY TIME'

Family hears bang, finds bullet in hotel room

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

HARD LISTENING

At 3p Eastern some of my fellow Rock Bottom Remainders and I will be doing a Google Plus Hangout about our new ebook, Hard Listening, which is a lot better than our music.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT TV COULD NOT GET ANY MORE HIGHBROW

A supersized storm sucks sharks from the ocean and hurls them onto land in the new Syfy Original Movie Sharknado, premiering Thursday, July 11 at 9PM (ET/PT).

(Thanks to wiredog, who says: "Seriously. Sharknado.")

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

Man with No Pants Says He Wanted To Ride Horse Nude

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

EW

Fur coat made entirely from male chest hair

Dairy firm Arla commissioned the coat to coincide with the launch of a new milk drink, Wing-co, aimed at men.

Huh?

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUESS THE STATE

Two sisters, same car, both arrested for DUI

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ART UPDATE

You probably don't want to read the art update.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who observes: "Not weird at all!")

BUT NOT BEFORE IT VOTED ON THE IMMIGRATION BILL

Missing red panda found in Adams Morgan

(Thanks to wiredog)

WE'RE GUESSING THIS IS BAD

'Shonky' claims made by breakfast drinks

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

BECAUSE THE NEXT STEP IS ANARCHY

Metro threatened Docter with “arrest, fines and imprisonment” if he dared to weed, water or otherwise tend to more than 1,000 morning glories and other flowers whose seeds he planted in 176 barren flower boxes alongside the top stretch of the north escalators at the Dupont Circle station.

(Thanks to coscolo)

June 24, 2013

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU'RE FREE TO GO

AN Irish burglar caught after a two-year crime spree in France told police he was following orders from Joan of Arc.

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

YIKES

Canadian Motorcyclist Chased for Nearly a Mile by "Massive" Wolf

K-bigpic

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

JUSTIN BIEBER REPORT

Justin Bieber 'keeps a private jet waiting for EIGHT hours in Miami... as he searches for pet monkey'

This has been the Justin Bieber Report.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE, APPARENTLY YOU CANNOT MAKE IT ANYWHERE

Man arrested after exiting car and defecating in Holland Tunnel booth

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SLIGHTLY USED

An Iowa man's online classified ad offering an oak coffin for sale neglected to mention the full skeleton inside, so police interrupted the deal and seized the bones.

(Thanks to coscolo, The Perts, Mark Buckley and DaninTustin)

HE HAS OUR VOTE

Whitby councillor claims to have fathered alien child

(Thanks to Warren Anderson)

A GRATEFUL NATION REJOICES

200-pound wiener dog statue returned to Pa. shop

(Thanks to queensbee)

ON HIS WAY TO HOGWARTS

Magician Dynamo stuns onlookers as he levitates from the roof of a London bus

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(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

Update: Speculation on how he did it.

NOW WITH ADDED PROTEIN

Pa. Woman says she found snake in bag of potatoes from Walmart

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

THIS IS WHY THEY HAVE IN-FLIGHT MAGAZINES

United Airlines flight runs out of toilet paper on 10-hour trip

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Mark Buckley)

OR, NOT

This Is What Men Will Be Wearing Next Spring

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(Thanks to Jon Harris)

June 23, 2013

CRIMEFIGHTER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Woman dressed as vagina stops street fight between penis and man in Glastonbury

(Thanks to cheri reid)

WHY WE LOVE ENGLAND

Pub signs.

Article-2345754-1A6FCEAE000005DC-54_634x814

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BE THERE OR BE ELSEWHERE

Eastern States Hedgehog Show

(Thanks to Erica Mitrano, who reports that there will be a mealworm race AND a "Be the Hedgehog" competition)

THANK GOD THERE WERE NO POP-TARTS IN THE AREA

Cornflakes start fire at Kellogg's factory in Trafford Park

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

IN OTHER NEWS: PIGS FLY

Campaign seeks to make Paris friendly to tourists

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

June 22, 2013

SUPPORT LAW ENFORCEMENT

Officials question Lakeland bra shaking police search

(Thanks to Ron G.)

PRIORITIES

Australian man, 22, asks judge for jail time instead of 2-year ban on drinking booze

(Thanks to Ron G.)

NAME THAT STATE!

Naked man in police parking lot charged with indecent exposure

Woman Caught Driving Drunk Without Pants

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ralph)

MEANWHILE IN AMERICA'S CULTURAL CENTER

'Weed' guy stabs 'Beer' guy in Times Square as Broadway shows let out

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Monkey Bites Officer Issuing Speeding Ticket

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

June 21, 2013

WE PLAN TO THINK WAY MORE TIMES THAN THAT

Men Over 40 Should Think Twice Before Running Triathlons

(Thanks to Steve @ Secret Location)

THEY MAKE WONDERFUL HOUSEPETS

Fluffy cows.

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(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

PLANT IT IN WASHINGTON

A towering South American plant that is believed to kill animals with its spikes and use their decaying bodies as fertilizer is about to bloom in England.

(Thanks to coscolo)

WE'VE HAD CARS LIKE THAT

Man goes to jail for allegedly spearing car in Sacramento

Jeffrey Allen Jones-thumb-250x312-44241

(Thanks to Greg Snow and DaninTustin)

BOISE: THE PARIS, FRANCE, OF SOUTHERN IDAHO

 Free exotic circus manure in Boise through Sunday

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

 
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