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May 07, 2013


Plague Of Sex Crazed Monster Grasshoppers

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)


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Noisy little buggers. Ooooh, I would hate to run into a bunch of those.

Cicadas are nothing like grasshoppers. They don't bite or sting in the usual sense but may poke humans with their long proboscis in a misguided attempt to feed. The male cicadas are capable of producing loud (up to 120 decibel sounds, loud enough to cause hearing loss in humans.

So while a normally rational mind understands that cicadas are essentially harmless, one of natures wonders, the more primitive part of our brain has been known to freak out when a cicada flies in an open car window and lands on the driver. This has been the cause of more than one traffic accident. There is probably a code for this in the traffic citation handbook.

Driver: "Yes officer, the reason I cut across four lanes of traffic, flipped my truck and came to a stop on top of the IHOP is that at the time I was being attacked by a giant mutant red eyed flying insect from hell.

Officer: "Perfectly understandable sir. In the future please remember to keep your windows rolled up during a cicada horde invasion and drive more safely"

Driver: "What was that you said?"

If you have never seen a cicada:

Here's one

I remember these things. Used to see them and their molts occasionally in NJ.

We have cicadas in SoCal (especially in the Palm Springs area), except they serenade us every 3 years... and roadrunners form roving packs like wolves to hunt them down.

It sounds just like crunching peanut shells when you walk upon their discarded carapaces.

Don't ya know?

Most any animal will eat them, some dogs love the taste of cicadas so much that they will eat them until they throw up. Also, after the cicadas mate and start to die off the dead ones give off a powerful stench.

Surprise! Weeks later you may be experience a bumper crop of rats, the offspring of rats that feasted on the bounty of cicada protein yielded up from the earth, then decided to settle down and raise some rat pups. It may take professional pest control help to get the resulting rat population back in check.

Somewhat off topic, but I've established from personal observation that woodchucks eat dandelions. Strangely, my business plan to form a transportable herd of Marmota monax and clear people's lawns with 'em has not yet attracted venture capital.

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