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May 05, 2013

AND YOU KNOW IT WILL BE A CLASSY AFFAIR

Honey Boo Boo’s Mama June is getting hitched.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHAT DOES MOM WANT FOR MOTHER'S DAY?

Oops.

(Thanks Bill Hudgins)

YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO SMELL GREAT

Cat café in London moves a step closer as thousands wait to be first through the door

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

YOUR URANUS JOKE GOES HERE

Sex in Space May Not Be Safe

Doo-dah, doo-dah

(Thanks to The Perts)

NAME THAT COUNTY

9:09 p.m. Someone saw a loose camel standing on the edge of Hodgson Road eating a tree.

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

EGGPLANT SUPREME

Believers worship aubergine as the reincarnation of god

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

BECAUSE THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO BE IS BOTTOM GERBIL

The American Gerbil Society’s annual pageant brought dozens of rodents scurrying to New England this weekend for a chance to win ‘‘top gerbil.’’

(Thanks to Monique, Little Big Man, Omniskeptic and The Perts)

STAND TALL, CANADA

Record breaker ‘Jenson Bottom’ is the fastest motorised toilet racer on earth

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE'S AVAILABLE FOR WEDDINGS AND BAR MITZVAHS

Wambui the Zebra puts out cigarettes with his urine

(Thanks to Ralph)

THIS JUST IN

Healthy Penis returns to SF

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

DUI charge for woman celebrating end of earlier DUI suspension

(Thanks to Bob Drinski)

MASCOT OF THE WEEK

Trust us: You do not want to see the Mascot of the Week.

Really.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Matt Filar)

CELEBRITY GLAMOUR UPDATE

James McAvoy: I probably farted in front of Angelina Jolie

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who asks: "Who hasn't?")

FORTUNATELY IT HAD A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Man finds black bear in his truck

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

GIVE IT UP

Crotch Cocaine

(Thanks to David Kirtley)

A POSSIBLE WAY TO IMPROVE ATTENDANCE AT FLORIDA MARLINS GAMES

MOSCOW, Idaho — Longtime church-goer Gert Rizzoli was so devoted to her spot in the pew at Featherside Congregational church that when she passed away last month, her family received permission to bronze her body and set it in the pew. Now, to the consternation of some church members, her body is permanently located in the aisle seat she occupied every Sunday for forty years.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THERE WHEN YOU NEED THEM

Butt Drugs

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

DATELINE: WALES

Rival urinated through letterbox

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

 
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