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March 20, 2013

THE FUNNEST PLACE ON EARTH

Three arrested and one person shot in Florida Chuck E. Cheese brawl

(Thanks to Lars Frederiksen and Jeff Meyerson)

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Ah, yes, Charles Edward Cheese-Brawl, fourth Lord Mountasheep, an Irish peer who sided with James I, then William, then James again, and finally with himself, alone, during the Glorious Revolution of 1688. Exiled by everyone, he instigated the Inglorious Rebellion of 1692, but died that same year in a duel with an Italian restaurant owner whose food he had criticized.

I'm guessing that the mention of Florida in the story is probably an attempt to divert attention from someplace even weirder, like New York City.

Last time I was in a Chuck E. Cheese I wanted to shoot myself five minutes after I walked in.

Horace, we in New York pride ourselves in not having any Chuck E. Cheeses here.

My question is, when was the last time a child's birthday party at Chuck E.'s did not result in a drunken brawl?

Anyone? Bueller?

Well, there was that time in New Jersey when they ran out of beer and had to settle for a sober brawl.

Snork @ Omni!

Well, you know they could start advertising Chuckee's
as the "place to get your brawl on, so call on
Chuckee's!" but probably would need more insurance.

Have your kid's party at Hooters. Problem solved.

I'm proud to say we had my little Jordyn's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese a few years ago and it did not end in a drunken brawl. I wanted to smack the snot out of my ex but then I thought about how I would feel if I were the subject of a post here on the blog so I controlled myself. Barely.

Or, one could paraphrase the old gag about hockey games: I went to a drunken brawl and a pizza-themed video game parlor broke out.

Omni, I was thinking the same thing.

Could we schedule a book signing at a Chuck E. Cheese just once? We promise to behave.

I am proud to say that I raised three kids to adulthood and never once...not once...visited a Chuck E. Cheese. It would take an awful lot of whining and complaining to equal the effects of being in that place. Soon, I'll have to start facing grandkids and I hope to keep my streak alive.

Attention Florida Sen. Audrey Gibson, D-Jacksonville:

Any time you combine any two or more of the following: a group of out of control children, noisy game room environment, bad food, relatives and alcohol you have a recipe for trouble.

Recommended amendment to your previously proposed bill:

“It is unlawful to: A) admit into any Chuck E. Cheese establishment within the State of Florida any person of 18 years of age or older who does not present certification that he or she has successfully completed an anger-management program consisting of at least 2 hours of online or face-to-face instruction in anger-management techniques,” the bill reads. “The certification must be renewed every 10 years. B) Enter Chuck E. Cheese establishment by fraud, false pretense, or false representation.”

Those in violation of the bill, if passed, would face a second-degree misdemeanor charge. Anyone found in violation a second time within a year of a prior conviction would face a first-degree misdemeanor charge.

I walked in to a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant once to see what it was like. I got about ten feet inside the door, turned around, and left. The vibe was too threatening -- and that was just the kids.

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