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March 04, 2013

'HE'S A TOTAL MORON'

Brooklyn man fakes his own kidnapping to explain two-week absence to girlfriend

(Thanks to jon harris and Jeff Meyerson)

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Ex girlfriend refuses to visit moron in prison.

I had a girlfriend like that once.

And ladies, he's single! At least I assume he is. Now. Of course, his current girlfriend took him on despite his other bad habits, so maybe her standards are a tad lower than the Blogettes'. Most Blogettes.

"For six years I pretended to a girlfriend that I was partially deaf." (Context: a game show where teams have to work out if their opponents are telling the truth or lying. I particularly like one of his followup answers- "No, I never told her the truth. I wrote a newspaper column about it...")

Pettway, who also goes by the last name Wallace...

Which is what I assume his other girlfriend knows him by.

Police say Pettway has 14 arrests, mainly for robbery, marijuana and assault.

14? Really? What's the minimum sentence in NY for being a habitual dumbass?

Oh, sure, he's a moron because it didn't work -- let's say it DID work, huh? Then he'd be a GENIUS.

In simpler times all you had to say was " alien abduction " and you were off the hook.

All you geezers remember John Belushi in "Blues Brothers" explaining to Carrie Fischer where he had been? He threw all the excuses in the world at her (she was holding a bazooka), and she bought it.

:)

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