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March 21, 2013

DEPARTMENT OF QUESTIONABLE HOMEOWNER DECISIONS

"While cleaning up, she saw snake, threw gasoline on the snake, lit the snake on fire."

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

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Snakes are clearly in an alliance with squirrels.

When I see a snake I use the "scream and run" method of getting away from it. It works pretty well and I haven't caught the house on fire yet.

I guess "kill it with fire" may not be good advice in all situations?

Seems like a reasonable response if you don't have a tactical nuclear weapon available.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. In the family room, not so much.

So far on my wife's farm, I've found snake skins in the basement, the attic, and the live animal in my workshop.
We've reached an agreement that they can take care of any mice that try to enter (it's a farm; we're outnumbered) and we won't try to hurt them.
It works. About three years here, off and on, and absolutely no mice (or snakes) in the two main floors.
And no snakes or humans were hurt in the making of this report.
(Disclaimer: do not try this if you can't tell venomous snakes from non.)

Wonder if it was an assssssbestos snake?

Was it a python? and did she pay her entry fee?


Setting snakes on fire is a BAD IDEA?

Who knew?

This is why it is also a bad idea to set a porcupine on fire, even if the porcupine is guilty of having chewed up your ignition wires of your truck. The flaming porcupine will seek refuge under your cabin and you will be left to sift through the ashes for your John Cheever love letters.

Who wrote this news report, the founder of Save our Syllables?

Note that anthropomorphism is usually not the best approach to a life way, but still, there are areas in which you can extend human behavior to non-humans. Like, if you set a living creature on fire, its reaction is not likely to be, "Oh, well, guess I'm screwed. I'll just lie here and die." Instead, it will probably do something irrational, like crawl under your house.

I mean, think about it. If a snake set you on fire, what would you do?

"There has been no word from officials on whether charges will be filed."

Against the snake?

I'm trying to think of when it would be a good idea to set an animal on fire. I got nothin'.

We need to nip this thing in the bud! Now! Otherwise
everytime we hear Beyonce sing "Woman On Fire" she will have people dossing her with a firehose. Wait,
that actually sounds like a good idea....

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