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February 19, 2013

SENIOR PROBLEMS

"The altercation appears to have been started over the fact that one resident was upsetting another by (selling Avon and disrupting) the scheduled bingo event that occurs," he said.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Comments

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Bingo can be a contact sport in some senior venues.

The police officer's name was Young, which might be offensive to some in the community.

Any fool could have told you that bingo and Avon products don't mix, which is why we need a federal ban.

On something.

Man, you don't mess with the Avon Lady. She will cut you! Or maybe spritz you. Do something to you, anyway.

Don't get between a senior lady and her Avon rep!

MUST make this cheap joke:
"Well, if I can't sell Avon at the bingo hall, what can I sell?"
"Depends."
"Depends on what?"
"No, just Depends."

padraig,

Look up.

See that drone?

wait a minit..... what about mary kay, eh? that could gum it all up.

Stay the hell off their lawns.

Mah Momma says " Pretty is as pretty does. "

Senior ... um ... B-seven! ... um ... whut wuz the question?

In most nursing homes bingo is every Wednesday. You NEVER get in front of one of their wheelchairs on bingo day. They'll hurt you. I got fussed at once for interupting a woman's bingo game. I was trying to give her some nitroglycerin because she was having chest pain. She was fine but lost the game and blamed me. People who can't remember their kid's names know exactly which card they had last week and will frequently get into fights over them.

Hope it's not too late for this one I just swiped off the interwebs:

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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