Dave Barry's Blog

GUYS IN ACTION

Car paintball.

(Thanks to Ken Morgan)

CSI: THE SUNSHINE STATE

A Deltona man shopping at a Walmart was arrested for shooting a shoplifter's car Wednesday, saying he wanted to mark the vehicle so police could find it, police said.

(Thanks to Richad Lee)

HELPFUL

The mayor of a California city struggling with a spike in burglaries and other crimes is apologizing for promoting a class about how to pick locks in her newsletter.

(Thanks to PirateBoy)

WE SAW BEAVER INVASION OPEN FOR WHITESNAKE

A beaver invasion in West Sacramento, Calif., has put homeowners on alert as police estimate as many as 30 rodents have infiltrated a neighborhood.

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

THE UPSIDE: HER BREATH SMELLS VERY FRESH

Woman hooked on deodorant eats 15 sticks a month

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

WELL HOW THE HELL ELSE ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO CATCH THEM?

A history teacher at Schrade Middle School in Rowlett, Texas has been suspended because he lassoed a seventh-grader with a lariat.

(Thanks to jon harris)

SO *THAT'S* HOW TWITTER WORKS

Brains of rats connected allowing them to share information via internet

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner and Alkali Bill)

DESTINATION: FLORIDA

Parents film eight-year-old girl driving at speed on icy road

(Thanks to Howard from Broward and Jeff Meyerson)

TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

Davison woman bludgeons Bay County niece with casserole dish

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

MEANWHILE IN CRICKET

“Pup came in and said, “are you right to bat?” and I said “unless they’ve got a whole roll of toilet paper, mate, I can’t get out there at the moment.”

NAME THAT STATE!

Thief tells Publix clerk 'I forgot to put my teeth in today'

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

HE WAS ARRESTED, BECAUSE 911 IS SUPPOSED TO BE USED ONLY FOR ORDERING CIGARETTES

An Indiana man was arrested on Friday after he called 911 nine times in 90 minutes, repeatedly trying to order a cheeseburger.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AN ANXIOUS WORLD RESUMES WORRYING

Tensions Rising With North Korea, but Dennis Rodman Is There

(Thanks to Wig & Pen)

AN ANXIOUS WORLD HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF

Sausage costume returned

(Thanks to Chuck Cody, Janice Gelb, Ed. Floden, Steve Pflaum, Trent Whitney and Bob Dronski)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

Neighbours say that the attack on the flowers came after Miss Webster became convinced that a resident had trained a squirrel to enter her garden.

(Thanks to Rick Chandler and Matt Filar)

Related: Wind, weather and squirrel blamed for power outage

(Thanks to The Bensinks)