Dave Barry's Blog

PRIORITIES

Man returns to Hastings home at 1:30 a.m., finds it damaged, begins drinking then calls police four hours later

(Thanks to Fred Hudson)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO FREAK OUT ALL OVER THE CABIN

A JetBlue plane was grounded Tuesday because of a report of a scorpion on board.

(Thanks to jon harris)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

New app to keep you tweeting after death

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

INEVITABLE

Warehouse worker packing stress balls punched his boss in face

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

THEY NEED TO DO THIS WITH GOLF

Electroshock Football

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

SPEAKING OF THREATS TO OUR FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS

Motor vehicle workers in Dayton called police on a man who insisted on wearing a pasta strainer on his head during the taking of his driver’s license photo, according to a police report.

(Thanks to Barbara A)

WE DON'T KNOW HOW OLD THIS IS

But it's funny.

(Thanks to jon harris)

NOW THEY'RE THREATENING THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHT OF ALL

Deputies: Man scratching his family jewels sparked domestic flare-up

No need to guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING PARTY ANIMALS...

...you're talking Canadian census-takers.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE REMEMBER (BARELY) WHEN YOU USED YOUR PHONE TO MAKE PHONE CALLS

The two later said they had been using an iPhone app called “Police Lights” that mimics actual emergency lights and sirens, police reported.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who dares you to guess the state)

THEY ALSO LIKE EXPENSIVE CARS

Penis size matters to female golden moles

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

NEW ZEALAND SOCIAL NOTE

Four men, 11 sheep found in hatchback

(Thanks to Bill Moore and Jeff Meyerson)