Dave Barry's Blog

STRUMPDATE

I'm leaving Denver, where I had a nice event at the great Tattered Cover, and heading for Los Angeles, where I'll be doing Live Talks LA tonight with Matt Groening. For reasons nobody can clearly explain, the event will feature custom-made energy bars. I will also be asking Matt to to lead the audience in calisthenics.

ENGLISH FOOD UPDATE

Opening a pack of pork and chive sausages purchased from a Kent, U.K., Tesco supermarket, they spotted a human not-so-pearly-white nestled in the meat — complete with metal filling.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

'UNFORESEEN INCIDENT'

Mistrial declared when prosthetic eye pops out

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

CANADA

Disabled Goldfish gets underwater 'wheelchair'

(Thanks to The Perts)

We saw Disabled Goldfish open for the Ramones.

MIRACLE OF THE DAY SO FAR

Dave,  This appeared on the sliding door of my apt. one morning. I think it's a sign, a sign that my window needs cleaning again.

-- Paul Nielsen

READY FOR THE SUPER BOWL

According to a Yates County Sheriff’s Department report, Margeson put the Oxycodone pills “into her mouth and brought them into the jail when she visited her son.” She then passed two pills “from her mouth to her sons mouth when she kissed him.”

("Thanks" to Ty Jones and Maryqos)

IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD

But due to our strict policy, we are unable to bring you the following report of End-Of-The-World fraud.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)