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January 01, 2013

THEY'RE USING CHOCOLATE-SNIFFING DOGS

'Oompa Loompa' Attack: Police Hunt Pair

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

Comments

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That was a SyFy channel movie, wasn't it?

John Boehner and John Edwards are suspects. That orange skin is a dead give-away.

Weepy and the Silky Pony?

Was the victim a spoiled brat?

This story represents a departure from normal UK journalistic practice. Usually such attacks are said to have been carried out by "men of no appearance," in other words they go out of their way to avoid describing assailants. Here they bravely risk offending the Oompa Loompa Community, political correctness be damned.

Suspects fart in technicolor Skittles.

How does the Oompa Loompa beat down song go?

Oompa Loompa, do be de do,
I’ve got a little picture for you.
Oompa Loompa, do be da de,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

Stay away from green-haired, short chaps,
Unless you'd like some nasty rib taps.
Eat a kebab and get two black eyes,
Kicked to curb by little orange guys.
Stay off the streets when Oompas are in town,
And you won't get a crippling beat down.

Oompa Loompa Doompa de da,
If you're not stupid you will run far,
You will live in happiness too
Away from the Oompa
Oompa Loompa Doompa de do.

They can't be real Oompa Loompas. Instead of black eyes, he'd have teeth marks on his knee caps.

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