Dave Barry's Blog

STRUMPETING ADVISORY

I'm heading out on the Mother of All Book Tours to promote my new comic novel, Insane City, which will go on sale January 29, and which has already been hailed as one of very the few novels ever written -- including those by Tolstoy -- that feature, as main characters, both an orangutan and a snake. I hope to run into some of you out there in BookTourLand. (I'll be the one wearing unlaundered garments.)

Anyway, for the next couple of weeks blogging from me will be sporadic. It's possible that judi will be able to pick up some of the slack, although while I'm traveling she also expects to be pretty busy.  

THE HOPES OF ALL HUMANITY ARE RIDING ON THIS

Scientist given grant to further develop melt-proof chocolate biscuit

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ROMANCE

Naked drunk woman drives car into her naked fiance

Incredibly, this did not happen in Florida.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

Ga. woman assaults man with jar of olives

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jay Brandes)

HOLD THE WORMS

Japanese Restaurant Uses Dirt as the Main Ingredient for Its Expensive Dishes

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

BUT IT WAS A VERY IMPORTANT TEXT

Texting newsreader walks into canal

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ALSO, FARTING

Lazy guys and hairy girls spur Swedish love-rats

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

ADVISORY:

If you kiss your bicep, you may owe this guy money.

Or maybe it's only if you kiss his bicep. We need legal clarification, here.

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

WE BET THEY'RE ACTUALLY SQUIRRELS WEARING RABBIT COSTUMES

Rabbits Wreaking Havoc On Cars At DIA

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Loudmouth)