Dave Barry's Blog

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Barnacles ejaculate into ocean to fertilize distant mates

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown and Gregg in Baton Rouge)

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE BLUES

Queens mom gets toe chomped by rat at B.B. King Blues Club in Times Square

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GUESS WHO WON

While the professionals used their decades of investment knowledge and traditional stock-picking methods, the cat selected stocks by throwing his favourite toy mouse on a grid of numbers allocated to different companies.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

WHY IS THIS NOT A WINTER OLYMPICS EVENT?

Los Angeles-based musician Sean Pawling played "Ride of the Valkyries" while downhill skiing in Lake Tahoe recently.

(Thanks to Ralph)

GRAMMAR SCHOOL OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately our strict poicy prohibits us from presenting the Grammar School of the Week.

(Thanks to Peter [Yes!] Metrinko, who cites this sentence: "The school has undergone many expansions, requiring the erection of several buildings...")

PLAN B: LARGE CORKS

A plan to give carbon credits for slaughtering camels, curbing emissions coming from their flatulence, was rejected by an Australian government committee.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

INSANE CITY

Here's the beginning. It goes on sale January 29 in exchange for money.

COLLECTOR

An artist has been fined 64 euros for stealing a jar of feces that belonged to an installation at the Tartu Art Museum.

Maybe the artist needs to hook up with this guy.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SEE NOTHING AMUSING ABOUT THIS

Man called Boobey hides phone in buttocks to sneak it into Wheatfield prison

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'I WANT CAKE NOW!'

Bad Lip-Reading takes on the NFL.

(Via Deadspin)

FLORIDA: WHERE NOBODY IS NORMAL

Local news site WPBF.com reported that a group of Satanists plans to hold a rally outside Scott's office on Jan. 25 to support the governor’s signing of a bill that allows students to pray at school events.

(Thanks to jon harris)

Further Evidence: Deputies Search For Grizzly Bear Cub In GG Estates

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

'Does a fat baby fart?'

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

INCREDIBLY, ETC.

A woman in the Ural Mountains village of Beryozovo called police at 3 a.m. Friday saying a tank had been driven into her yard.

A Florida license is on the way.

(Thanks to Frank Smith)

WOULD THIS WORK WITH PYTHONS?

Senator suggests using rum to catch fugitive pigs

(Thanks to Ralph)

(We saw Fugitive Pigs open for the Troggs.)