Dave Barry's Blog

AND THE SO-CALLED 'DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE' DOES NOTHING

The Monopoly people are planning to kill a token.

(Thanks to jon harris)

NORFOLK: CITY ON EDGE

Norfolk 911 calls for 'baby lion' turn up a coiffed dog

(Thanks to Matt Robare and Loudmouth, who says, "They will kill us one night.")

ACTUALLY, IT IS.

Steven Seagal Owns a Bullet-Proof Kimono. This Is Not a Joke.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

ALTERNATIVELY, YOU CAN BATHE IN THE TOILET

Dutch official: Save H20, pee in shower

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND SCARIEST OF ALL, SHE HAS A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Mary Lee is a 16 1/2 ft, 3,500lbs mature female white shark. Her most recent position is off 6th Ave S and 1st St. S in the surf break off Jacksonville Beach, FL.

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

THEN WHY DO WE EVEN *HAVE * 911?

Police say hamster birth, bad pizza or sasquatch sighting not worth calling 911

(Thanks to jon harris)

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? CHICKENS HAVE BRAIN-LIKE ORGANS!

Horrified KFC diner stumbles upon strange brain-like organ in his meal

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

THE NEW MEN'S FASHIONS FROM LONDON

You don't want to know.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

IT'S ALSO GREAT FOR PRANKS

Fake poop could replace real stuff in fecal transplants

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

BUT THEY'RE JUST STUDYING IT, SO THEY CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO TAX IT

Washington DC Residents Watch More Porn Than Anyone Else

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WE BLAME THE HOLIDAYS

Standard Kilogram Has Put On Weight

(Thanks to Dave Emery)

CSI: KERSHAW COUNTY

As investigators approached the front door of the home, they observed more fresh Cheetos on the front porch.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

THIS ONE IS TOO EASY

Two Britons said to be behind a £10 million garlic smuggling scam are being hunted by police in Sweden.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IN CASE YOU THOUGHT 2013 WOULD BRING PEACE TO FLATHEAD COUNTY

2:31 a.m. A Columbia Falls man reported that he ran into an owl and, at the time of the call, it was still alive and stuck in the grill of his truck. He wanted it documented that he did not intentionally try to kill the bird.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE'RE GUESSING THIS IS FAKE, BUT WE DON'T CARE

The CataCombo: a sound system for coffins.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Brazil prostitutes plan English classes

(Thanks to Dan McBride)

HOLY CANADIAN CRIME WAVE, BATMAN!

Police in Victoria are trying to locate three men dressed as Smurfs for information concerning an alleged assault that happened in Pascoe Vale last December. And the policeman in charge of the investigation? Senior Constable Adam West.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)