Dave Barry's Blog

ADVISORY:

If you’ve ever had the urge to stroll down the streets of downtown Fredericksburg naked, your window to do so legally is closing.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

NEWS FROM THE AUSTRALIAN ART WORLD

Lightning blows breasts off NT's iconic Venus de Milo statue

(Thanks to Ralph)

JUST IN TIME FOR EASTER

Chocolate baby heads.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WINTER SPORTS ROUNDUP

Pamela Anderson voted off Dancing On Ice after boobs fall out of dress

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

Drunk Alberta woman strips on ice during hockey game

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

CELEBRITY UPDATE

Brad Pitt tweets to Chinese that he's coming

(Thanks to Poker, who asks, "Couldn't he just say 'Oh God' like the rest of us?")

WORDS TO LIVE BY

"I rest my underpants."

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

STAND TALL, ANONYMOUS CHEF

Anonymous NYC Chef Claims In Craigslist Post To Have Farted On All 37 Employees

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

REST ASSURED IT IS ALSO CHEATING ON ITS TAXES

A cat trained by prisoners to deliver cell phones and tools to dig tunnels was caught at a jail in northeastern Brazil after sneaking in with forbidden items strapped to its body.

(Thanks to Chris Elzi, Bill Hudgins, David Emery, Mark Buckley, Janice Gelb, Horace LaBadie and James in NC)

FATHER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unhappy with his son not finding a job, Feng decided to hire players in his son's favorite online games to hunt down Xiao Feng. It is unknown where or how Feng found the in-game assassins—every one of the players he hired were stronger and higher leveled than Xiao Feng. Feng's idea was that his son would get bored of playing games if he was killed every time he logged on, and that he would start putting more effort into getting a job.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)