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December 26, 2012

GOD HELP THE AUDITORS

German tax collectors suggest toilet logs

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'PEACE ON EARTH' DOES NOT INCLUDE FLATHEAD COUNTY

10:49 p.m. Someone saw a man dressed in all black standing on the side of Highway 206 staring at cars.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GUESS THE STATE

The self-described King of Rock and Roll Debauchery was arrested early Saturday during a house party at the Sausage Castle

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(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CANADA: LAND OF PASSION

'Moose Sex Project' aims for love corridor between N.S., N.B.

(Thanks to The Perts)

SO THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT AFTER ALL

VINNY FROM 'JERSEY SHORE'  I Wanna Be a Politician

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING SWANKY...

Giant Moonpie To Fall New Year's Eve In Mobile To The Sounds Of The Commodores

More things to be dropped New Year's Eve here.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

TOUGH TO VIE IN THAT CONDITION

Vikings vying for playoffs with sore Peterson

(Thanks to kenzen)

BRILLIANT

A New York state woman whose car crashed through the front door of a house, nearly hitting a woman watching TV, was trying to distract police, police said....

Sarnowski started driving at the high speed to distract the town officer who had pulled over a friend of hers for possible drunken driving, police said.

(Thanks to Monique)

THE DOWNSIDE: THEY'RE ALWAYS HITTING ON THE COPIER

Telepresence robots let employees 'beam' into work

Image

(Thanks to The Perts)

December 25, 2012

IN MIAMI...

...Santa arrives by boat.

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December 24, 2012

HAVE A COOL YULE, EVERYONE

And remember: Walter knows if you've been bad or good...

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...but Walter doesn't care.

A CHRISTMAS REPORT FROM THE AMAZING STEVE

Everyone (except me) was out of the house tonight, so I decided to do something completely uncharacteristic and be productive. I opened all the boxes I’d been getting over the last week and started to wrap everything.

I got down to the final package, which should have been a couple of presents for my wife. Much to my surprise, the package contained one item, and it was not what I ordered. After being on the phone to India (twice), they are going to send me a replacement.

And, I have to say, of all the things they could have sent, nothing could have surprised me more than the super hero underwear I received. “The Flash” super hero underwear, size men’s large. Not sure who’d want to have that label associated with them, but the store told me in no uncertain terms that I could keep them. I told them in no uncertain terms that the underwear arrived in a sealed clear plastic wrapper and will stay that way.

Merry Christmas!

Steve Pietrowicz

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

Thought-controlled beer taps?

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR HANDEL

Pesky Ottawa turkeys prompt Christmas warning

(Thanks to The Perts)

December 23, 2012

PUCKER UP

Study: Mistletoe Effective Against Colon Cancer

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

GET BACK TO US WHEN YOU CAN DO THIS WITH MARGARITAS

We're proud to introduce: Burrito Bomber -- truly the world's first airborne mexican food delivery system.

(Thanks to Mark Buckley)

HUMANITY'S LONG WAIT IS OVER

A pair of students in Japan reckon they've got the practical joke market by the short and curlies - after inventing realistic looking stick on public hair.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

THE EXCITEMENT LASTS ALL YEAR LONG

Moss of the Month Club

(Thanks to jon harris)

CELEBRITY GLAMOUR UPDATE

'I've got a pig's willy stuck between my teeth!'

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

Except, perhaps, for the neighbors

(Thanks to Susan C. for leading the way)

December 22, 2012

THE ONLY KNOWN CURE IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO 'COPACABANA'

Swedish man gets disability benefits for addiction to heavy metal

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

IOWA IS TEEMING WITH THEM

Iowa Court: Bosses Can Fire 'Irresistible' Workers

(Thanks to jon harris)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Judge Rules Louisiana Woman Can Design Christmas Lights To Flip Off Neighbors

(Thanks to Loudmouth, who says "Happy holiday gestures")

IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Deputies find crack in suspect's underpants

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THE SURVEILLANCE CAMERA KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD

The FedEx driver delivereth; the UPS man taketh away.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HAVE A SEAT

Man Arrested After He Converts His Bathroom Into Illegal Dentist’s Office

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

TRANSFER HIM TO WASHINGTON

Formal Reprimand Issued To Flatulent Federal Worker

(Thanks to Robert Mathis, Jeff Meyerson coscolo, Unholy Slacker and Peter Metrinko)

DUCKS HEARD 'QUACKING FRANTICALLY'

‘Giant serpent’ invades island near Phuket

(Thanks to Ralph)

SIGH

The Georgia Crawford County High School sophomore John George III had planned to come to school dressed as Santa. He posted on his Facebook page "Students of cchs ur in for a big surprise tomorrow ." But someone who saw the post found it threatening–and called the police.

(Thanks to jon harris)

December 21, 2012

THOSE THINGS SHOULD NOT BE LEGAL

Brussels sprouts 'overdose' hospitalised man at Christmas

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

HO HO HO, DUDE

Magic Mushrooms May Explain Santa & His 'Flying' Reindeer

(Thanks to jon harris)

WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW HOW HE GOT IT

llinois Man Sentenced for Illegally Transporting East Texas Deer Semen

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

PUT A TAIL ON IT

Woman reports 'stalker' pigeon to police

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS THE STATE

Is this America's most lavishly decorated home? Neighbors' outrage at house with 180,000 lights, a 20ft Ferris wheel... and a miniature horse dressed as a reindeer

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GUYS IN ACTION

Here's how a guy takes out the garbage.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

 

LET'S INTRODUCE HIM TO THE ASBO WOMAN

Man bites snake

(Thanks to Ralph)

FUN GAL

A nagging wife has been given an ASBO after keeping neighbours awake for three years with her constant quibbling.

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(Thanks to Ralph)

EITHER THAT, OR HE'S A FLORIDIAN

“The smell of an alcoholic beverage and the fact that Govedich lost control of his vehicle, drove it over a curb, through a yard, across a driveway and struck a house led me to believe that Govedich was driving under the influence of alcohol,” the officer wrote in the arrest report.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

CSI: PHUKET

Phuket 7-Eleven scythe robber arrested

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

YET ANOTHER ARGUMENT IN FAVOR OF THE MAYAN APOCALYPSE

Mealworms: The Future of Farm-to-Table Dining?

(Thanks to Jon Clemence)

JUSTIN BIEBER UPDATE

The California Hamster Association is after him.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

December 20, 2012

WHERE THE FUN NEVER STOPS BEING FUN

Seven Charged In Matteson Chuck E. Cheese’s Brawl

(Thanks to Chuck "E." Cody)

SHOULDN'T *SHE* BE IN THE TREE?

Man spends nine months living in TREE after wife cheats on him and refuses to say sorry

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT

Invasion of the mystery worms

(Thanks to Ralph)

PRINCESS PEACH WILL NOT LIKE THIS

Police say a man dressed as a Super Mario Brother has been arrested for groping a woman in New York City's Times Square.

(Thanks to Michael McNelis)

GUESS THE STATE

Flamingo lawn ornament attack in Hobe Sound

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE TIGER IS *NOT* HAPPY

A TIGER'S penis, whole skinned frogs and a bear's gall bladder were some of the quirky finds Border Compliance officials caught travellers with at Australian airports this year.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BUT THEN HIS NICKNAME WOULD BE INACCURATE

Court asks Naked Rambler to put on underwear

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

AND JOAN RIVERS WANTS IT BACK

Archaeologists Find World's Oldest Bra

(Thanks to Wiredog)

WE ARE EITHER FOR OR AGAINST THIS, DEPENDING ON WHAT THE HELL IT MEANS

EU to uphold export ban on Swedish snus

(Thanks to The Perts)

 
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