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December 06, 2012

BECAUSE CATS ARE KNOWN FOR ELECTROCUTING PEOPLE

An Illinois man faces up to 20 years in federal prison now that he's admitted his role in a foiled plot to abduct, extort and electrocute a wealthy man and to make it appear he'd been killed accidentally by his cat.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown and jon harris)

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The cat, whose share of the deal was to have been ten thousand dollars, a case of tuna, and "revenge for years of funny little cat costumes," was sentenced to twenty minutes locked in a room with a Chihuahua, the maximum allowed by law in Illinois.

Amazing that this well thought out cunning plan didn't work.

Back to the drawing board.

He should have framed the squirrels.

No need to try to make it look accidental; I love my cat and she loves me, but I know she's been plotting my demise for years now. When (not if) she succeeds, I know she'll truly miss me, but species imperatives must be obeyed.

cats dont kill people, people... oh wait. that doesnt work. i dont have kitties right now, but i know my old guys wouldnt plot my demise. who would feed them? why do that, when you can just IGNORE everyone....

I could see a hamster getting framed for this, but not a cat. Cats just don't care.

qb, my cat's attitude is: I'm so adorable, of course someone would feed me. And she's right. And Clankie, with the number of times per day she's up on my lap, insisting that I pet her, I don't think anyone can say she doesn't care. Unless, of course, it's just a ruse to lull my suspicions away, in which case it's working.

She has a tag on her collar that says "Bad Kitty". With a skull and crossbones. Sometimes I call her Miss Demeanor. Sometimes Miss Prision of Felony.

On can only imagine what might have happened if the dog had gotten involved! "He died due to blunt force trauma when his leg was humped after falling asleep watching C-SPAN."

Cats aren't technical enough to do electrocutions; they just trip you while you're going down the stairs.

I can believe a cat would do that, but a cat would never enlist a human accomplice for such a murderer plot.

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