Dave Barry's Blog

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

Group 1 winning sprinter Shellscrape will recommence his race career with Nikki Burke in 2013 after many foals belonging to the stallion’s first crop were born without tails.

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

WE'RE FINE WITH TEA, THANKS

The Craigslist poster offered to eat his homegrown coffee beans himself, poop them out, then roast the result as coffee, at $30/pound.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'PORTING' IS SO SEVERAL DAYS AGO

Now it's statue attacks.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND NOW FOR A BREAKING UPDATE ON THE SWEDISH GIANT STRAW CHRISTMAS GOAT THAT ALWAYS GETS BURNED DOWN

It got burned down.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HOW DO YOU SAY 'STOP HUMPING MY LEG' IN FRENCH?

Earlier this week, Montreal city councilor Benoit LaDouce proposed a bylaw that would require all dogs in public parks to be bi-lingual.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Update: It's a joke, thank God.

GUYS IN HOLIDAY ACTION

Engineer Builds a Gingerbread House Using Lasers

(Thanks to Steve @ Secret Location)

DEPARTMENT OF PEOPLE WITH WAY TOO MUCH SPARE TIME

Dutch scientist Peter Barthel, from the Kapeteyn Astronomical Institute in the Netherlands, is on a quest to correct the scientific mistakes on Christmas cards, children's books and even wrapping paper.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Nobody tell this guy about the flying reindeer.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT 'REALITY' TELEVISION COULD NOT POSSIBLY GET ANY BETTER

‘Best Funeral Ever’ TV show in the works

(Thanks to jon harris)

TIME FOR A FEDERAL TASK FORCE ON GRAVITY

WASHINGTON, D.C. (KDKA) – New numbers show a record number of people were killed by falling televisions, furniture, and appliances in 2011.

(Thanks to Dan Barr and Bill Hudgins)

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

But it's disturbing.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)