Dave Barry's Blog

SEND THIS CANADIAN VILLAGE COUNCIL TO WASHINGTON

The newly-elected mayor of the Village of Charlo has resigned over a disagreement with councillors regarding the consumption of alcohol while discussing village business.

(Thanks to The Perts)

ATTENTION, PULITZER COMMITTEE

Lucky underwear help pass exams, student says

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

DO YOU SMELL WHAT I SMELL?

Kids study animal droppings as inspiration for ornaments

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Burglar calls 911 to save himself from gun-wielding homeowner

(Thanks to jon harris)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Ke$ha confirms she DID have sex with a ghost

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

CSI: GUESS THE STATE

Drunken woman found at end of trail of soiled paper towels

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'SOME MEN THOUGHT VITAL SEXUAL ORGANS WERE IN THE EAR'

Survey found 90% of men can locate a car’s oil dipstick but only half can identify key parts of their anatomy

(Thanks to John Finn and Jeff Meyerson)

GUESS THE STATE

Man pulled over while driving with traffic sign in his head

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Scott Padbury)

IT WILL BE TRANSPORTED TO FLORIDA AND GIVEN A DRIVER'S LICENSE

Lansing's troublesome 'traffic turkey' tranquilized, safe

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Man arrested after 'punching through JetBlue plane window because he was not allowed to sit with his mother'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Does anybody else find it troubling that it's possible for a passenger to punch through an airplane window?

WE SAW DUCK HEAD OPEN FOR FISH SPERM

Duck head and fish sperm: 100 local delicacies

(Thanks to The Perts)

HOMEOWNERS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Two people who live in a large Morgan Hill home have been arrested on suspicion of holding a handyman hostage and forcing him to do home repairs.

(Thanks to Bill Moore, who says: "Don't say you never thought about doing it." Also thanks to The Perts.)

NATIVITY-SCENE CRIME WAVE UPDATE

Baby Jesus, donkey stolen from Frostproof nativity scene

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown and Jeff Meyerson)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Goat threatens middle schoolers

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

BECAUSE CATS ARE KNOWN FOR ELECTROCUTING PEOPLE

An Illinois man faces up to 20 years in federal prison now that he's admitted his role in a foiled plot to abduct, extort and electrocute a wealthy man and to make it appear he'd been killed accidentally by his cat.

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown and jon harris)

KINKY

Man tells cops prostitute shorted him

(Thanks to JD)

UPDATE ON THE GIANT BREAKFAST BUFFET THAT IS I-495

Yesterday, eggs; today, syrup.

(Thanks to Poker, JD and Bob Spalding)

CANADA: LAND OF WACKINESS

Pranksters do up bus shelter as 'apartment to rent'

(Thanks to The Perts)