Dave Barry's Blog

PROSELYTIZING RECORD ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Amen!

("Thanks" to ScottMGS)

CRIMESTOPPER

Jailbreak thwarted when overweight prisoner gets stuck in wall during attempted escape

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN COMPANY'S GOING TO DROP IN

Woman keeps sick collection of 100 dead cats in her fridge

(Thanks to DaninTustin)

CANADIAN EDUCATION REPORT

Ontario school using stickers to cover student's genitals in yearbook

This has been the Canadian Education Report.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

TODAY'S FACT ABOUT WOMEN:

They do not always respond well to being scorned.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

STAY!

Man leaves dog to babysit while he goes to bar, deputies say

We assume you have aready guessed the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GUESS THE STATE

Upset Giants fan shoots at sheriff's deputies

Hint: It's not New York.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

CONTRACTOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

18th-century French chateau bulldozed 'by mistake'

We blame the low sperm count.

(Thanks to Bill Jones, The Perts and DaninTustin)

ADVISORY TO BOSTON AREA MOTORISTS:

Take bacon.

(Thanks to Poker)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

French men not producing as much sperm

(Thanks to RussellMc, Bill Hudgins and Poker)

EDUCATIONAL

A TV station has been flooded with complaints after broadcasting an interview with a headmistress - showing a giant cartoon penis drawn on the blackboard behind her.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

 

BOND. JAMES BOND.

Drunken man fell out of car with his pants down; claimed to be an assassin

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DEPARTMENT OF THE EASILY FASCINATED

Honey Boo Boo makes Barbara Walters' list of Most Fascinating People of 2012

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SENIOR CITIZEN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Retired cowboy, 79, stops intruder high on bath salts using a quick karate chop-punch

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who advises you to stay off this person's lawn)

 

GOOD TO KNOW

Though the nose doesn't grow when you lie, its temperature (along with that of the muscles in the inner eye) rises.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME, II

Of all the bits of information available online, the exact number of Lego pieces that could be stacked, one on top of the other, before the bottom piece was crushed under the weight of the tower itself has remained elusive -- Until now.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Trotify Makes Your Bike Sound Like a Galloping Horse

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)