Dave Barry's Blog

WE REALLY NEED TO PROVIDE BETTER TRAINING FOR OUR CRIMINALS

The video caption says, "I just stole a car and robbed a bank. Now I'm rich, I can pay off my college financial aid, and tomorrow I'm going for a shopping spree."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Related item here.

(Thanks to B'game)

FLATHEAD COUNTY: YOU HAVE COMPETITION

1:06 p.m. A resident asked police to check on an elderly man on the 1400 block of Burlingame Avenue who was having a hard time keeping his pants up. It turned out he was using suspenders for the first time.

(Thanks to marfie)

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING CLASSY, YOU'RE TALKING VEGAS

The new 6,400-foot Denny's with a 24-hour WEDDING CHAPEL

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE'LL JUST HAVE A CRACKER, THANKS

Making cheese from humans’ foot, nose, armpit bacteria

(Thanks to Howard from Broward)

UPDATE ON THE SWEDISH GIANT STRAW CHRISTMAS GOAT THAT ARSONISTS ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO BURN

They're trying to burn it again.

(Thanks to ubetcha)

NOTED

Postpone bowel movement at your own peril

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THANK GOD HE DOESN'T HAVE SNAKES

Woman breastfeeds husband's monkeys

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AFTER WHICH THEY OF COURSE WASH THEIR PHONES

A Third of Young Adults Use Social Media in the Bathroom

(Thanks to The Perts and Unholy Slacker)

HEY, THEY ALREADY HAVE LICENSES

Dogs can drive

(Thanks to The Perts and Jeff Meyerson)

A GOOD PLACE TO BE

Under Phuket’s charm

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CSIOWA

Des Moines police had a busy morning tracking down a loose ram.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MEANWHILE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

Shrinking U.S. Film Business Looks Good to China's Wang

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'WHERE ARE YOU GOING, DEAR?'

"Oh, I'm taking a class."

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

PEOPLE OF LOUISIANA:

Leave.

(Thanks to David Emery, who says, "No smoking!")

ALSO 'GOOGLE'

Parents Increasingly Naming Children Apple, Mac and Siri

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)