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November 01, 2012

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY, THE SITUATION CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE

3:01 p.m. There was an incident in Evergreen involving a woman with “wild hair” and Bud Light pants.

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

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9:49 a.m. Someone in Evergreen claimed that a woman drove through a parking lot with her brother perched on top of her van. She then stated that the woman pepper sprayed him and called him "crazy."


♫ Van roof - fingers holdin',
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going, baby?

Hey, I'm perched on you,
You pepper sprayed me!
But I'm your brother,
So call me crazy?!

Bud Light pants? Call the Fashion Police!

Whoever reported this to the police must have been a newcomer to Flathead County.

How bad do you have to be in order to be banned from numerous gas stations? The presidential debates would have been a lot more interesting if they had held one in Flathead County.

So ... um ... exactly WHERE wuz this ... um ... "wild hair" ... ?

Merely ... um ... "curious" ...

Boys in Plaid WBAGNFARB.

Boys is plaid shirts getting sassy?

For God's sake can't they institute martial law or something?

Well Lakeside boys are sassy
I really dig that plaid they wear
And the Coram in-laws sleep on the porch
Take them to a hotel while you're there.

Highway 206 has little white cars that tailgate
And there's a man on Foy's Lake
That has captured the cat that came with no invite.

I wish they all could wear Bud Light
I wish they all could wear Bud Light
I wish they all could wear Bud Light
I wish they all could wear Bud Light pants.

Evergreen has the parking lots,
And the girls all drive their vans
While their brothers ride on top
'Til she pepper sprays him and leaves his crazy ass in the sand.

Well I've been all around this great big world
And I've seen all kinds of freaks
But I couldn't wait to get back to Flathead
Back to the weirdest people in the world.


I wish they all could wear Bud Light
I wish they all could wear Bud Light
I wish they all could wear Bud Light
I wish they all could wear Bud Light pants.


*raises my lighter, waving it in max's general direction and swaying to the beat*

For full entertainment value, you simply cannot beat the Flathead County Police Blotter!

How do you make pants outta beer? That's weird even for Fathead County.

4:26 p.m. A man on Leisure Drive is missing his chainsaw.

Aw, how sweet. Chainsaw love does exist somewhere.

Once I ran from you, now I run to you, oooo, chainsaw love!

I, too, will raise my lighter to Max.
Providing he's not the guy banned from all those gas stations.

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