FLATHEAD: A COUNTY OUT OF CONTROL

3:29 p.m. Someone Saran wrapped a kid to a telephone pole on East Idaho Street. A police officer helped free him.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Comments

[Omniskeptic]

There are these big devices, see, with a pallet-sized turntable and a vertically mounted roll of plastic wrap. You forklift a pallet of, say, text books onto the turntable, start the plastic wrap, and then let her rip. Does a great job on kids, too, and you don't need a forklift, usually.

[Ralph]

So now there's a loose goat in Flathead County?

[James in NC]

C'mon. What parent hasn't done this?

[ligirl]

This song works soooo well....

Sometimes you're better off dead
There's dog on your land! and it's peeing on your shed!
You think you're mad, too unstable
Kicking in chairs and knocking down tables
In a restaurant in a Flathead town
Call the police!!!, there's a mad dog around
Running loose all over town to a dive bar
In a Flathead town

In a Flathead town, a dead end world
Saran-wrapped boys and Flathead girls
In a Flathead town, a dead end world
Saran-wrapped boys and Flathead girls
Flathead dogs....

Too many pitbulls, growling voices
Feces on posters, too many choices
If, when, why, what?
How much food have you got?
Have you got it, do you get it, if so, how often?
And which do you choose, a hard or soft option?
(How much do you need?)
In a Flathead town, a dead end world
Saran-wrapped boys and Flathead girls
In a Flathead town, a dead end world
Saran-wrapped boys and Flathead girls
Flathead dogs....

[MikeyVA]

That is hahahahahahaha! I mean, terrible.

[Not My Usual Alias]

I wonder if the cop offered to take a picture of the wrapped individual to assist the victim's street cred.

[HogsAteMySister]

I totally agree that the criminal justice system should be more transparent.

[LeDud]

In a Flathead town, a dead end world
Saran-wrapped boys and Flathead girls
In a Flathead town, a dead end world
Saran-wrapped boys and Flathead girls
Flathead dogs....

Ligirl...this is like great T.S. Elliot ! After the laughing subsides....reflection. Well done.

[Betsy]

Who wants to bet that "School Edition Road" is the road that leads to the new part that was built onto the school?

[bonmot]

Kudos, Lilgirl. Love that song!

[queensbee]

bwaaahaaaaaaaahhhha. at ligirl of course - who would wish that someone would do that to a lovely child. ahem.

[Layzeeboy]

Maybe the kid was just too clingy.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I bet it was at least a double dog dare.

[Steve]

ligirl should be in the song-writing business.
As for the kid, this could be the new wedgie if they can just get kids to stand still long enough.
For some reason, every one of my pictures of my grandson is blurred. Maybe I need a pole and a pallet-wrapper.

[klezmerphan]

Firstly, *waves lighter in ligirl's general direction*

Secondly, things are OUTTA CONTROL in Flathead County!

"7:46 a.m. Someone in Columbia Falls claimed to be the victim of their landlord’s boyfriend’s unkindness."

"12:11 p.m. A Kalispell woman complained that someone wrote her a "weird” check."

At what point, legally, can the Governor authorize that the National Guard be sent in to restore order amid the chaos?

[funny man]

10:18 p.m. Someone complained that a dead cat was blocking traffic on Whitefish Stage Road.

5:53 p.m. Reportedly, someone parked a brown recliner in the northbound lane of Western Village Lane in Columbia Falls.

Must have been a really BIG dead cat. As opposed to the kind most drivers can driver around, or in Flathead, over. Yet a recliner did not block traffic on Western Village Lane? Good priorities
there, Flathead. With such alert citizens, one wonders why and how there is any crime...or life...in Flathead.

[Wolfsong]

Obviously the pole was cracked and they used the kid as a splint.
Bwahahaha!....er, I mean...that's terrible!

[Guin]

Not to worry, the sheriff's office has this case all wrapped up.

[Chuck]

They are messing with us with this report, right? They know we are reading and feeding false stories to the paper just to see what is published.

This is too funny. I may want to leave the violence of a Chicago weekend but cannot go here!

[Suzy Q (the original)]

It's all Lord of the Flies up in Flathead County.

[wiredog]

someone parked a brown recliner in the northbound lane of Western Village Lane in Columbia Falls
Cindy was in Flathead?

[Omniskeptic]

Chuck, "the violence of a Chicago weekend" WBAGNFA Tom Wolfe novel.

[Ernie G]

Saran Wrap? What a dumbass. Everybody knows you need duck tape for that.