Dave Barry's Blog

CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL

"The BBC actually said, 'But you can't do that because we need to go through the regulations and health and safety and everything in case we discover a signal from an alien civilisation'."

(Thanks to Bill Moore)

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

Fifty wild elephants went on a drunken rampage after downing 18 containers of mahua, a powerful alcoholic brew, in India.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WOMEN

Do not mess with them.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THANKS, BUT WE'LL JUST HAVE A HEINEKEN

Roasted Bull Testicle Stout

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

PROBABLY LOOKING FOR THE CAR KEYS

TEN-foot alligator surprises father and son in Florida by crawling up to front door

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CRAIGSLIST

Vampire seeks blood donor

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

NOW IT'S FIFTY SHADES OF POO

Fifty Shades of Grey blamed for Windsor baby boom

(Thanks to The Perts)

EVERYONE INVOLVED WAS ISSUED A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Truckers take on the world's toughest bridge.

(Thanks to Mordecai Altose)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES:

Edible deodorants.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)