Dave Barry's Blog

INCREDIBLY, THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN FLORIDA

The woman who was hit by the pole told police that she “did go off,” and began arguing with the two men. That’s when she flashed two tattoos on her arm, one of which was a swastika; the other had the initials “SS.”

(Thanks to jon harris)

THIS COULD REVOLUTIONIZE WARFARE AS WE KNOW IT

And not in a good way.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE TROGGS

Teaching cow stolen from fairgrounds

(Thanks to The Perts)

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Police bust ends 'free sex after nine car washes'

(Thanks to dave with a lowercase "d")

CSI: DACULA

Property Line Marker Dispute Leads to ‘Boob to Boob’ Confrontation

(Thanks to Kristi Reed)

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD

More Horse Tails Stolen in Natrona County

(Thanks to Wes Youtsey)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now: bees.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Elvis' dirty underwear fails to sell

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

IT WAS A CONSENTING FERRET

Guest called room service for a ferret

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

Bank of America exec loses millions after court says you can't moon your boss

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

(Judi, take note.)

TODAY'S GENEALOGY REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting Today's Genealogy Report.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IF HE HAD A LAPTOP, HE WAS NOT, TECHNICALLY, NAKED

Naked man with laptop found on bench at beach

You will never guess the state.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

"IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE WOKEN UP AFTER 2 HOURS' SLEEP, IT MIGHT AS WELL BE TO A HERD OF MORONS SCREAMING 'TINY DANCER'."

A London man who was kept up all night by his neighbors' loud singing said he responded by posting a critique of the performance on a neighborhood notice board.

(Thanks to Ralph and Jeff Meyerson)

WE'RE GOING TO NEED MORE EGGS

Semi carrying bacon overturns on I-74

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO")