Dave Barry's Blog

THOSE *RASCALS*

Fish Mating Call Blamed For Loud Humming Sound In West Seattle

(Thanks to Dan Barr, who says, "In my day, we just played Marvin Gaye.")

WHICH IS WHY THE COCAINE IS SO IMPORTANT

Munich May Not Have Enough Beer for Oktoberfest

(Thanks to The Perts and Ron Potsch)

ATTENTION, BEAUTY-PAGEANT CONTESTANTS:

3. The distance between the two nipples should be at least 20 centimeters.

(Thanks to Anthony Tao)

TERROR CONTINUES TO STALK FLATHEAD COUNTY

11:13 p.m. A woman on Shady Lane called in claiming that one of her suspicious neighbors was out with his airsoft gun. She later claimed that although he does own an airsoft gun, he was only holding a flute at the time of the call.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SHE HAS HER REASONS

Warwick woman accused of training pet bird to swear at ex-husband's new girlfriend

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

Key Cockatoo Name: Willy.

YOUR MONTEZUMA-CORTEZ EDUCATION REPORT

Bats are decreasing and lunch prices are increasing.

This has been Your Montezuma-Cortez Education Report.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

BECAUSE: EW.

WHY build miniature robots for rescue missions when you can control the mind of a cockroach?

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IN THAT CASE, YOU'RE FREE TO GO

Man’s Reason for Urinating in Public: ‘Because Dude’

“The suspect was evidently startled by my arrival,” the officer wrote, noting that the man “jumped and urinated on the exterior of his shorts.”

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

REAL COCAINE IS FINE

Munich beer festival bans fake cocaine

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FASHION

Dress made from 3,000 cow and yak nipples leaves a sour taste in the mouth

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT APPARENTLY WAS INVOLVED

Woman shoves Chihuahua down pants during dispute

(Thanks to Claire Martin and Unholy Slacker)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Israeli Fashion Student Designs With Live Bacteria

(Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie)

GIVE IT UP

...for Toilet Theft Scheme.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

LOVE IS IN THE AIR, IN THE AIR AND ALL AROUND

Mating land crabs pose a hazard for tires

You know the state.

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU'RE GETTING WARMER, DUDE

Arrest reports state the officer found a bag of marijuana right where Ray said it would be.

(Thanks to bayou girl)

SO TRUE

ALL OF US APPRAISE BUTTOCKS

(No, we don't know what this is about. And we don't want to know.)

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)